Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

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One prominent viewpoint suggests that residing in urban areas has an adverse effect on individuals’

health

Use synonyms

. From my observation, I consider myself an advocate of

this

Linking Words

statement. It is explicit to note that being dwellers in megacities can be an optimal choice for those who want sufficient medical services. There is a justifiable reason to mention that metropolises have abundant hospitals with adequate resources to take care of an ever-increasing number of patients without being overloaded. A good example of

this

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is Bach Mai Hospital - a well-known hospital located in Hanoi

has

Correct pronoun usage

that has

show examples

enough not only pieces of equipment but

also

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rooms for patients and their relatives to stay. Thanks to

this

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national leading hospital, more

people

Use synonyms

will be cured promptly without suffering from the illness longer.

Hence

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, hospitals in big cities may facilitate the recovery of sick

people

Use synonyms

and lessen the sufferings of their caretakers who do not have even space to sit

beside

Correct pronoun usage

beside them

show examples

While

Linking Words

the redeeming feature of settling in metropolises is widely acknowledged, air pollution is one of the major disturbing factors doing harm to

people

Use synonyms

’s

health

Use synonyms

. Added to

this

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is the fact that in megacities, a sharp growth in the number of fuel-powered vehicles can be seen in daily lives. Apparently, the mentioned phenomenon can trigger some respiratory problems ranging from asthma to

those

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

more severe

such

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as lung cancer,

this

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can even lead to

Change noun form

human

show examples

human’s

Change noun form

human

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loss of lives.

Therefore

Linking Words

, notwithstanding supplying

high quality

Add a hyphen

high-quality

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devices, big cities have an urgently increasing amount of carbon emissions which can deadly harm

people

Use synonyms

health

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, even though

people

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residing in urban areas can be offered tremendous benefits when they want to enjoy their medical services, serious

health

Use synonyms

problems caused by the degradation in air quality have heightened

people

Use synonyms

concern

Fix the agreement mistake

concerns

show examples

Furthermore

Linking Words

although

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there are abundant cutting-edge medical systems in metropolises, not everyone has enough financial ability to pay the bills, especially for those low or mid-income families.

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Fri Jun 14 2024

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task achievement

Although your introduction is clear, try to make it more engaging. You can start with a general statement about urbanization and health before presenting your view.

task achievement

Your essay lacks a balanced discussion. Consider discussing some additional negative aspects of living in the city or mention any potential benefits, before arriving at a conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your paragraphs flow smoothly from one to the next. Include more transitional phrases to enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

You should provide a clearer connection between your points and the central argument of your essay, to ensure that each point directly supports your thesis.

task achievement

You have effectively addressed the prompt and provided relevant arguments both for and against the thesis.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reinforces your argument, adding a consideration about financial ability.

coherence cohesion

The examples you used, such as the detailed description of Bach Mai Hospital, are relevant and add weight to your arguments.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

The title "I had to show courage." Describe a circumstance where you had to exercise courage. What action of yours required a lot of bravery? Afterwards, did you feel proud of yourself? How did your surroundings respond?

We should fix the traffic and transportation by making everyone lives in the cities not suburbs or countrysides. What to extent do you agree or disagree?

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? * Social media networks = messaging and information exchange systems such as Facebook and Twitter.

Too much emphasis to given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?