Write about the following topic. The most important function of music is that it helps people reduce stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
music
plays a very important role in a
Remove the article
apply
life
to decrease
Change preposition
in decreasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
stress
. I completely agree with the statement that it plays a vital role in human life
by motivating an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
employees
at workplace
and Correct article usage
the workplace
music
act
like Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
a
therapy for most Remove the article
apply
people
.
One of the most important function
of Change to a plural noun
functions
the
Correct article usage
apply
music
is to reduce stress
at
Change preposition
in
workplace
. Nowadays, most Correct article usage
the workplace
of
Change preposition
apply
the
organizations play Correct article usage
apply
music
while
working because it helps employees
to do
not feel Unnecessary verb
apply
borr
at Correct your spelling
bored
workplace
. Add an article
the workplace
For example
, McDonald
restaurant Change noun form
McDonald's
play
Change the verb form
plays
music
in the kitchen for their employees
so that they feel energetic while
working and keep the fun enevironment
at Correct your spelling
environment
workplace
. Add an article
the workplace
Therefore
, while
listening music
at work ,Change preposition
to music
employees
productivity Change noun form
employees'
employee's
increase
to two times and do their Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
stress free
.
Add a hyphen
stress-free
In addition
, nowadays people
do multiple jobs in daily life
so music
act
like a therapy for them . Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
In other words
, men and women get tired from daily life
activities ,
Correct word choice
and,therefore
therefore
feel restless at the end
of the day . For example
, People
like to listen
Add the preposition
listen to
music
while
travelling because it helps them to stay calm and stress free
from daily Add a hyphen
stress-free
life
activities . Therefore
, music
act
as a healthy source for many Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
people
in the current time .
In conclusion , one of the most imperative role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
music
play
is Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
keep
Fix the infinitive
to keep
stress
free
Correct your spelling
stress-free
life
by playing music
at workplace
and by Add an article
the workplace
listening
the songs Add the preposition
listening to
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
people
Change noun form
people's
mood
more Fix the agreement mistake
moods
relax
too.Wrong verb form
relaxed
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task achievement
Your task response is generally strong, as you address the question and provide relevant arguments. However, be careful about small grammar errors and the use of articles, like 'a life' should be 'life'. Make sure every point is precisely and fully developed.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is organized logically with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to improve further, work on using a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover', 'Additionally') and make sure every sentence flows smoothly. Reduce the repetition of similar ideas, such as stress reduction both in work and daily life.
task achievement
You have clear main points in each paragraph that are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well structured and provide a good framework for your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite