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Band 5.5

Task 2: Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #years
Many claim that people should spend most of their time at school accumulating knowledge until they are 18 years old or above.
Although
 learning in
conducive
Correct article usage
a conducive
show examples
 environment
produce
Correct subject-verb agreement
produces
show examples
 many benefits, the writer
also
believe
Change the verb form
believes
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 that practical experience
also
 plays a pivotal role in a person’s success. It is acknowledged that
students
 will have more time to complete themselves if they attend a full-time education. Having spent full time on their expertise, their knowledge will stand out from their peers, which will result in gaining attention from large businesses and organizations.
Therefore
, suitable working environments and well-paid jobs are guaranteed for diligent
students
. Indeed, it is a norm for
students
 in
Viet Nam
Correct your spelling
Vietnam
show examples
 to get a university degree before engaging in any social events or apprenticeship.
However
, I agree that there are many soft skills that cannot be taught by schools and classes solely. It is evident that if
students
 proactively participate in many events as much as possible, they are likely to acquire how to communicate effectively with other people to achieve their objectives.
Furthermore
, having stepped out
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 comfort zone and dealt with a wide range of problems, they will look more mature than their peers in terms of conception and problem-solving.
As a result
, they have the resilience to thrive and shine even in adversity. In conclusion,
while
 full-time education will benefit
students
 more in their expertise, I argue that it is
due to
 accumulated social experience and life skills that people should
looking
Change the verb form
look
be looking
show examples
 forward to engaging in more social events.
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task achievement
Further support your reasons with more relevant and specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Clarify some of your points more comprehensively to ensure they fully support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical flow of your ideas by using more cohesive devices and ensuring each paragraph logically follows the previous.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide a concise overview and summary of the main points.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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