IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

some people believe that social media sites, such as Facebook or Twitter, have a negative impact on young people and their abiliy to form personal relationships. other believe that these sites bring people together in beneficial way. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #media #sites #facebook #twitter #impact #abiliy #form #relationships
Whether social
media
 platforms have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on young generations and their ability to form personal relationships or giving them
chnces
Correct your spelling
chances
chance
 to bring
people
 together beneficially bears some consideration.
This
 essay supports the side that these sites bring users together in a beneficial way
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 convenience and the number of
people
 using those
plaatforms
Correct your spelling
platforms
. It should be understood that social
media
 applications are now very convenient. Within a touch, we can add friends, chat or do anything because it
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 very easy even
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
.
For instance
, my 80-year-old grandmother is a Facebook user and she is
also
 an online volunteer as well.
Therefore
, convenience is one of the key factors that makes
this
 writer
agrees
Correct subject-verb agreement
agree
show examples
 with the point.
Additionally
, the number of users worldwide is increasing every minute
This
 belief is based on the fact that everyone now has an average of 1.71
phone
Change to a plural noun
phones
show examples
, a recent research showed, and because of that,
people
 tend to have more than an account on social
media
.
For example
, I have 3 Facebook accounts which are for business, family and hobbies.
Hence
,
users
Change the noun form
user
show examples
 number and convenience are the two key reasons that affect
people
 so much to use social
media
 and that are the factors that made
this
 writer personally
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
show examples
 that it helps
people
 a lot in communicating.
Thus
, it should have been demonstrated that social
media
 really helps
people
in bringing
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 everyone together beneficially and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others should change the way they think about
this
 issue.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay does address the task and covers both aspects of the question. However, your arguments could be more thoroughly developed. Try to provide more detailed examples and connections to support your reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Structuring your ideas more clearly can improve coherence. The progression from one idea to the next should be smoother. Using transitional phrases could help with this. Additionally, make your thesis statement in the introduction clearer.
task achievement
Your essay covers both perspectives and presents a clear side that you agree with.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, such as your grandmother using Facebook and your own multiple accounts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: