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Band 3

In the future, more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on boliday. do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #holiday #country #travel #boliday
In recent years, several
indivduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 decided to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 their spare time outside the
country
 for tourism and enjoyment of the cold weather in the
west
Replace the word
western
show examples
 countries.
However
, Other
group
Change the wording
groups
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 of people think that staying in their own
country
 is more beneficial for them and for
Correct article usage
the country
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country
Change noun form
country's
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 budget as well.
Moreover
, in my opinion, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of travellers
envolving
Correct your spelling
involving
evolving
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 travelling by car and
through
Change preposition
by
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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plane
are dramatically increase
Change the verb form
are dramatically increased
are dramatically increasing
show examples
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
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 to the
last
centruy
Correct your spelling
century
 for many reasons.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 reason, the facilities of transportation for travel
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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 nowadays
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 more options like
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 car,
plan
Correct your spelling
plane
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 and boat.
This
 is very helpful and valuable for
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 afraid
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 travelling by plane. So, they can travel by car throughout the
strightforward
Correct your spelling
straightforward
 road.
Seocnd
Correct word choice
The second
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 reason, the weather is crucial and
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
show examples
change
Correct subject-verb agreement
changes
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 the mode of people rather than, staying in
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
country
 and suffering from hot weather
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in the summer season.
Therefore
, most
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 are looking for
coldest
Correct article usage
the coldest
show examples
 countries
such
 as
United
Correct article usage
the United
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kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
, Germany and Norway,
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
, human nature after
complete
Wrong verb form
completing
show examples
 the work and
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
show examples
 leave in parallel with pupils to have
wonderful
Add an article
a wonderful
show examples
 journey, they are willing to visit new places. In
shorts
Fix the agreement mistake
short
show examples
, the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are
spenting
Correct your spelling
spending
 fantastic times
while
 travelling abroad with their families after
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
finshied
Correct your spelling
finished
 their school.
Submitted by king999z on

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task achievement
While your essay presents several ideas and arguments, ensure you fully address the prompt. Currently, your argument is somewhat unclear on whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas should be organized logically. Consider using more transitional phrases to clearly connect your points and enhance the overall flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and typos, which can make your essay difficult to understand. Proofread your work carefully to eliminate such mistakes.
task achievement
You're suggested to better develop your main ideas and provide more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear attempt to address the topic and you included several relevant arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps to structure your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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