Throughout history, people have dreamed to live in a perfect society while they haven't agreed how what the ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world? What can people do to achieve an ideal society?
From the ancient period ,
people
dreamed of living in a perfect society
without knowing the fact what how is our ideal society
would look like . I think the most important element of a perfect society
would be fair treatment regardless of age , gender and caste . People
should eliminate discrimination by giving each person equal opportunity and respect to each other.
Primary , the most important element of the society
is the providing equal opportunities to all members
of the society
regardless of their age, gender and caste .In other words
, many organizations accept a large amount
of resumes during hiring but hire only a few Change the quantifier
number
people
on the basis of their color
or gender . Change the spelling
colour
In addition
, many parts of the world do not accept the relation of men and women who belong to different religions. For example
, In India, men and women who belong to a
different religions are not allowed to marry each other . Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
Therefore
, in order to maintain an ideal society
,it is very necessary to treat all members
of the society
at the same level.
People
can do multiple things in order to achieve their ideal society
. Primary, treat each other with respect as well as
their religions . If people
understand the culture of their society
members
and accept them ,then
it would be easy for all society
members
to live happy and safe environment . On the contrary
, If people
do not accept each other then
it would be led
to violence in Wrong verb form
lead
society
and crime rates would be increased
. Wrong verb form
increase
For example
, In India, most of the crime rates are high due to
differences in the society
culture.
In conclusion , in order to create a perfect Change noun form
society's
society
,people
need to eliminate the racism which still exists in the country and try to respect each other in all conditions . These all factors led to the perfect healthy society
that everyone dreamed of living in.Submitted by kmlchahal97 on
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task achievement
Pay more attention to grammatical accuracy and ensure that sentences are complete and well-constructed. For example, the phrase 'without knowing the fact what how is our ideal society would look like' is confusing and needs to be clarified.
task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. For instance, you mention that crime rates are high in India due to cultural differences; however, this claim can be substantiated with statistics or specific studies.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. This helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the second paragraph could start with 'One of the essential elements of an ideal society is providing equal opportunities...'.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and provide a clear overview of your argument.
task achievement
The response addresses the main points of the task and offers a solution for achieving an ideal society.
task achievement
Your essay tackles a crucial issue of discrimination and highlights the importance of treating everyone equally, which is a key component in achieving a perfect society.