IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Healthcare is a vital
service
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 available for every citizen. Offering free medical facilities should be the primary responsibility of any
government
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.
While
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 doing so, the
government
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 needs to ensure all the latest medical treatments are covered. Free
health
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 services will definitely benefit
people
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 of all generations. Hospitals which are maintained by the public must ensure the
treatment
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 of any ailments should be free. If they do not have the latest medical
treatment
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 facilities,
then
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 they must be referred to other private facilities which offer that
treatment
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.
However
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, the cost must be borne by the
government
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.
Also
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, they must ensure that all the
people
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 are insured under the insurance scheme.
For instance
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, if someone suffering from cancer and the
government
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 hospital does not have the facility to treat
then
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 they should be referred to a private clinic for
further
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treatment
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. Providing the free
health
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service
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 comes with the cost.
This
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also
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 refers huge amount of budgeting. Developing countries may face the challenge of allocating enough funding.
While
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 considering all
this
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, the
government
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 can think of collecting the bill amount from the rich
people
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 who are availing the free
health
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service
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.
For example
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, If he is a tax-paying citizen , in that case, they can recover the
treatment
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 cost from those Individuals.
To conclude
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, free
health
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service
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 is the need of the hour.
However
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, there are a lot of challenges involved in implementing those.
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Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 must ensure to give priority to
this
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service
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 and make sure all the
people
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 are covered from the diseases.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic by advocating for free healthcare services. However, you briefly mention some nuances and challenges without an in-depth exploration. Statements such as 'Providing the free health service comes at the cost' could be expanded with specific examples or statistics.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and a more robust linkage between paragraphs. Additionally, you can enhance coherence by avoiding abrupt transitions between ideas, like between discussing the financial burden on the government and the solution of billing affluent citizens.
task achievement
For better clarity and impact, consider refining some of the wording. For instance, 'For example, If he is a tax-paying citizen, in that case, they can recover the treatment cost from those Individuals' could be rephrased more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your ideas clearly.
task achievement
You provide some examples to support your argument, such as referring patients to private clinics when public facilities lack certain treatments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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