IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad in nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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These days, in spite of, Technology improving,
crimes
Use synonyms
 and problems from them increased enormously so that, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe these are a result of poverty and community matters.
However
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, other groups think these products are from humans who have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 nature.
Although
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, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 first theory is true because crime and social issues are parallel. On the one hand, economic and social problems like offences are cause and effect. Generally, if in one region inhabitants have good income and facilities with low cost so that they don't need money or things,
then
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 the rate of
crimes
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 will be
declinnig
Correct your spelling
declining
 in
this
Linking Words
 district
also
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, natives in
this
Linking Words
 area experience calm living.
For instance
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, in Japan, the number of offences
are
Change the verb form
is
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 extremely small
due to
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 the fact the
people
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 have a good living and the government provides good social services so that they do not need
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
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 thieves, robbers, or do other
crimes
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.
Nevertheless
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, Rio the Janeiro has really friendly natives, yet the economics are not good in
this
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 zone, for we can see the rate of crime is really high.
On the other hand
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,
people
Use synonyms
's personality has some effect on the offence rate. If you want something and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 receive it,
then
Linking Words
 if you do not follow good manners,
then
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 you
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
crimes
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. To illustrate, some
people
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that
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 really
reach
Correct your spelling
rich
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 like to have very beautiful,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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Antique devices so that when they cannot buy them they spend a lot of money
for
Change preposition
to
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 thief
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. In conclusion, both personality and social situation have some influence on
crimes
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, but the social economics
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and position have more and more effect in
crimes
Use synonyms
 like Rio the Janeiro.

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task achievement
Provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph follows logically from the preceding one to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
Use more transitional phrases to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Address counterarguments more comprehensively to strengthen your essay's balance.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views as required by the prompt, showing an understanding of the task.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as references to Japan and Rio de Janeiro, to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which gives it a clear structure.
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