IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
Nowadays,
people
 start to lose
health
 over
time
 for several reasons, The median standard of population
health
 is probable to be reduced in the future from what is now, and I completely agree. One of the main reasons is that food quality has decreased over the years because of the pesticides that cause many diseases to humans over
time
,
such
 as the farmers use to protect the vegetables and
fruits
, and that affects
people
's
health
.
Additionally
, the chemicals in vegetables and
fruits
 use it alter their shape and identify their benefits
for example
 many
people
 have started to notice that some
fruits
 have changed and become rubbery
due to
 chemicals
also
 the shape and taste of bananas have modified over
time
this
 is scientifically proven.
Furthermore
, advanced technology affects the routine life of
people
 and makes it unhealthy.
such
 as computers making humans in chairs most of the
time
 to work or play, without getting out to get some vitamins, which causes obesity,
Due to
 a of lack movement.
In addition
,
people
 stopped doing sports activities which improved their physical and psychological
health
, and because the technology
for example
people
 have begun to prefer to stay at home with all the electronic activities in the house
instead
 of sports activities. Ultimately,
This
 essay discusses why
people
's
health
 is likely to be lower in the future, and there are three main reasons for
this
, technological advances, chemicals in vegetables and
fruits
, and the use of pesticides in the food. We conclude that all of
this
 affects human
health
 in the long term, and the more we evolve, the less healthy we become, and I completely agree with
this
.
Submitted by reemaljuaidi8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more comprehensive discussion of counterarguments or opposing views to present a balanced perspective. This can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on clearly introducing each main point in the body paragraphs, and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are fragmented or unclear, which affects the readability and clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the argument well.
task response
You provided specific examples to support your points, notably when discussing the impact of chemicals in food and technological advancements on health.
task response
You have a clear position and stayed consistent in your argument throughout the essay, which strengthens your response to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: