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Band 6

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend Do you agree or disagree?

#week #workers #weekend
Some people opine that our working days should not be long.
However
, others state that a shorter bank holiday is necessary. In my view, I prefer an extended weekend, and I will explain why in the following paragraphs. To start with, in Taiwan, companies require employees to work as much as they can.
As a result
, most of my peers have some mental disorders and physical illnesses, they
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffered
show examples
 from those problems when they were very young. I believe the remedy for
this
 phenomenon is to have more days off work. When people are off duty, they may consider paying somewhere a visit. By
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, the pressure will be out of your mind. Doing exercise can bring you a strong, healthy, and agile body.
This
 is a good charge for you to face the next challenge. Overworking is very common in our culture. Without doing that, your supervisor may think you are not diligent, and you probably will be fired.
Hence
, I frequently see my co-workers work for our company during the weekend for free.
However
, a job with a heavy workload is not considered a friendly working environment. Many staff want to make use of their leisure
time
, but
due to
 consistent working, they are running out of energy and
time
 for their hobbies. In a nutshell, twenty-four-seven working in my motherland is ubiquitous.
However
, most people I know are not cut out for a longer
laboring
Change the spelling
labouring
show examples
time
, because it can cause physiological and psychological issues. We will be more than happy to have more free
time
 for doing our own
businesses
Fix the agreement mistake
business
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because taking a vacation can boost us up.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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task response
To improve your task response, consider providing more specific examples and data to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Enhance coherence and cohesion by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use more transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a good structure to your writing.
task response
You provide relevant and easily understandable arguments supporting the idea of a shorter working week and longer weekends.
task response
Your points are generally well-supported and contribute to a persuasive argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
What to do next:
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