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Band 2.5

Throughout the history, people dream to live in a perfect society while they haven’t agrees how the ideal society would be like. What is the most important element you think to make a perfect society? What do people do to achieve an ideal society

#history #people #dream #society #haven’t #element
These days and
throuhout
Correct your spelling
throughout
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history ,
people
 looking for
ideal
Correct article usage
an ideal
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 community . So , some individuals believe that can be
possiple
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possible
,
while
 others
suspecious
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suspicious
 about it .
This
 essay will discuss both ideas and will draw my personal
conculosion
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conclusion
.
In
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On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand , some
people
 think that the theory of
perfect
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a perfect
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 society can not be implemented in reality ground ,
due to
diversity
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the diversity
show examples
 that
exit
Verb problem
exists
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 in one community
sections
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section
show examples
.
For instance
, the
differances
Correct your spelling
differences
difference
 in the
religion
Replace the word
religious
show examples
 backgrounds .
On the other hand
 , some
idividual
Correct your spelling
individuals
 believe in
this
 opinion .
Firstly
 they think the elements that can connect
people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in
same
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the same
show examples
soscity outweight
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society outweigh
what can differ them
such
 as
,
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apply
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love and forgiveness .
Moreover
 ,
Add an article
the
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spread
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
cruicial
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crucial
 principles
such
 as
,
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apply
show examples
equality and justice
between
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among
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 the society members.
In
addition
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addition,
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 the diversity among one
community
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community's
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 individuals
Add a missing verb
is
show examples
asume
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assume
 to be a healthy
phenomenom
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phenomenon
. In conclusion , after analysis of both
point
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points
show examples
 of view, I believe that if
people
 respect each
others
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other
show examples
 and follow the
humanbeing
Correct your spelling
human
 rules and law regardless
to
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of
show examples
 their
religions
Fix the agreement mistake
religion
show examples
 and
races
Replace the word
racial
show examples
 background they will reach the ideal
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 they seeking .
Submitted by ahmedaloqaili53 on

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introduction conclusion present
Work on your introduction to make it clearer and more engaging. For instance, you can briefly mention what an ideal society means before outlining your essay structure.
relevant specific examples
Try to provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, you can mention societies or communities known for high levels of equality and justice.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea. Sometimes it wasn’t entirely clear what the main idea of some paragraphs was, which affected coherence.
supported main points
Make sure to explain how each element you discuss contributes to an ideal society. This will help make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
complete response
You've made an effort to discuss both sides of the argument, which adds balance to your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion clearly states your personal opinion, which is well-aligned with the topic and shows your stance.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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