IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the availability of fast food nowadays, many people have low-quality diets. What problems can this cause? What can governments do to resolve these problems? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the present, fast
foods
Use synonyms
 can be easier accessible than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past. Most humans have consumer behavior causing a variety of problems.
This
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 writing will discuss three issues which are suffering from obesity, lack of nutrition and rubbish packages.
Firstly
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, certainly, fats
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more disadvantages than advantages in
medical
Replace the word
medicine
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.
People
Use synonyms
 become obese
where
Correct word choice
when
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 consume junk
foods
Use synonyms
 too much because of a lot of fats.
As a result
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, health conditions may occur
such
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 as increment visceral fat of other diseases.
Secondly
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, fast
foods
Use synonyms
 consist of grease, meats and a few vegetables.
Hence
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,
people
Use synonyms
 may get inadequate
nutritions
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrition
show examples
. The more you eat them, the less nutrients you have.
Lastly
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,
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 packages
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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contribute to environmental problems.
For example
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, dumping containers into public areas can contaminate biodiversity.
Then
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, if
people
Use synonyms
 consumed animals from that environment, it would return toxic chemicals to their bodies. In order to solve these problems, governments should introduce policies to deal with them.
To begin
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 with, imposing high tariffs is necessary to impede
people
Use synonyms
 who access
that
Change the determiner
that food
those foods
show examples
foods
Use synonyms
 easily.
Next,
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providing free healthy food at schools or companies can help children and adults to get appropriate meals.
Finally
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, introducing a reward system at food shops will stimulate
people
Use synonyms
 to have great quality
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
For instance
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, they can offer coupons for discounts. To summarize, there are many solutions to clarify these issues.
Whatever
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Whether
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, increasing tax rates, free healthy diets or an award system.
However
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,
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
that is
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 told in
this
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 essay might cooperate between every section of working in order to have the best
efficientcy
Correct your spelling
efficiency
.

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clarity
Work on your sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity and reduce ambiguity. For example, 'In the present, fast foods can be easier accessible than the past' should be 'Nowadays, fast foods are more easily accessible than in the past.'
examples
Expand on your points with more specific examples to better illustrate your arguments. Your suggestions for government actions are good, but they need specific, relevant examples. For example, mention countries that have successfully implemented high tariffs on fast foods or schools that offer nutritious meals.
coherence
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting sentences. For example, in the second paragraph, explicitly link how fast foods lead to lack of nutrition. Strengthening the connections between sentences will enhance coherence.
task response
You have addressed all parts of the task by discussing both problems and potential solutions.
structure
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame your arguments well.
content
You provided several good points about the health, nutritional, and environmental issues associated with fast food consumption.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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