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Band 5

Some people think that governments in developing countries should introduce new technologies to people in order to improve the quality of life, while others believe that in order to achieve that governments should offer free education for all. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #countries #technologies #quality #life #offer #education
Some
people
 think that
governments
 in developing
countries
 should introduce new
technologies
 to
people
 in order to improve the
quality
 of
life
,
while
 others believe that in order to achieve that
governments
 should offer free
education
 for all. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.In recent years the topic of whether the
governments
 should introduce new
technologies
 to
people
 to improve the
quality
 of
life
 has been regularly debated.On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, Some
people
 believe that the
governments
 should provide free
education
 for everyone. I believe that both views are important.
The
Correct article usage
Governments
show examples
governments
 should introduce new
technologies
 to
people
 in developing
countries
. First and foremost, introducing new
technologies
 to developing
countries
 is
benefit
Verb problem
apply
show examples
beneficial to local companies and promotes development. to development. Introducing new
technologies
 can improve productivity because if there are more efficient machines to produce more products, more products could be sold .
This
 is one of the main reasons that companies are usually welcomed in developing
countries
 as they generate tax revenue for the government.
Therefore
,
governments
 should introduce new
technologies
 as
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
show examples
 more tax revenue which improves
people
’s lives.
In addition
,
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
introducing
Replace the word
introduction
show examples
 of new
technology
 will make
life
 better for
people
 in developing
countries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since in the past many developing
countries
 did not have the ability to build public transportation. If new
technology
 is introduced, it will make
people
’s lives more convenient.
Governments
 providing free
education
 to developing
countries
 will
also
 bring many benefits. First of all, many
people
 do not have access to
education
 as it is very expensive. If the government provides free
education
 to everyone, everyone will have the opportunity to receive
education
, so that these
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 who finish their courses will be able to utilize their knowledge at work. If these
people
 can find jobs, it will greatly improve their
life
quality
. In summary, I think both the introduction of new
technology
 and free
education
 are important.
Governments
 should introduce
technologies
 to developing
countries
 as it increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tax revenue, leading to a better economy. The introduction of new
technology
 will
also
 make infrastructure more convenient for
people
,
thus
 increasing their
life
quality
.
Submitted by 3100880965 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that the transition between ideas is smoother, and that there is a logical flow from one point to the next. For example, starting a new paragraph with a clear topic sentence can help guide the reader.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to illustrate your main points. This can help in making your arguments more compelling and relatable.
language accuracy
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and consistency in tense usage as there are minor errors that can slightly impact clarity.
task response
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both views, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly stated, which helps in framing the essay well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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