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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the avarage closing prices from 2013 rok t

The graph below shows the avarage closing prices from 2013 rok t
The line graph illustrates the
price
Use synonyms
 variance of three different valuable metals between 2013 and 2021 .
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the platinum’s
price
Use synonyms
 saw
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest value
initially
Linking Words
, it was overtaken by the palladium
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, gold witnessed a
fluctuated
Replace the word
fluctuating
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 over the
period
Use synonyms
.
The platinum
Correct article usage
Platinum
show examples
 was the only precious metal which
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 in
price
Use synonyms
 over the year. The
price
Use synonyms
 of platinum was around $1,500,000 originally. It steadily decreased over the
period
Use synonyms
 with around $1,000 per
ounce
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 year. Gold’s
price
Use synonyms
 fluctuated between approximately $1,000 and $ 1,500 per
ounce
Use synonyms
 from 2013 to 2019,
then
Linking Words
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 its highest value in the
last
Linking Words
two year
Add a hyphen
two-year
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 around $1,750 per
ounce
Use synonyms
. As for the
price
Use synonyms
 of Palladium, it was half as high as that
Gold
Change preposition
of Gold
show examples
 in 2013 and remained roughly stable at around $700 per
ounce
Use synonyms
 in the next three years.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, in 2019, the figure surpassed the
price
Use synonyms
 of Gold and Platinum, peaking
just
Change preposition
at just
show examples
 under $2,500 per
ounce
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words price, period, ounce with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuated" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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