Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Achieved
athletic Correct article usage
An achieved
person
has to make plethora
of money to compare with the Add an article
a plethora
people
who are working in a prominent sectors
. Correct the article-noun agreement
prominent sectors
a prominent sector
People
few of
Change preposition
apply
them
concurrence with Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
statement, whereas
others are detracting
Wrong verb form
detract
with
Change preposition
from
this
. This
statement is going to discuss about
both Remove the preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
view
by giving the Fix the agreement mistake
views
below mentioned
points,
On the one hand, all Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
nations
have specific national game
and players are Fix the agreement mistake
games
selecting
by that Wrong verb form
selected
country
’s authorized committee. Hence
, the players who are playing for the nations
they
are all getting more priority in all facilities from that Correct pronoun usage
apply
country
. If they win in any international sports
their country
name and fame will reach Change noun form
country's
in to
sky level. Join the words
into
Moreover
, sports
is
one of the cultural Correct subject-verb agreement
are
identity
of each Fix the agreement mistake
identities
country
, hence
athletic Correct word choice
and hence
person
contribution is more important for the country
. To illustrate, France, Portugal
countries are spending more money Correct word choice
and Portugal
for
their players who are playing in football Change preposition
on
tournament
.
Fix the agreement mistake
tournaments
On the other hand
, each country
development is fully biased on their Change noun form
country's
defense
, production and research sectors. Change the spelling
defence
Therefore
, citizens who are working in this
field are getting low remuneration. Furthermore
, most of the nations
are giving
Verb problem
apply
discrimination
Replace the word
discriminating
between
Change preposition
against
sports
and vital sectors. Because,
employees Remove the comma
apply
are
who are working in Unnecessary verb
apply
research
and Correct article usage
the research
defense
field they are the Change the spelling
defence
person
to save the Fix the agreement mistake
people
country
from threads
. Correct your spelling
threats
Thus
, they are the meritorious people
to get more paycheck
.
Fix the agreement mistake
paychecks
To sum up
, my
point of view Change preposition
in my
sports
person
has all the talent to get money more as compared to others. Whilst
, Change preposition
apply
people
who are serving for
the nation’s welfare will not Change preposition
apply
neglect
by the Wrong verb form
be neglected
nations
government.Change noun form
nation's
Submitted by smsundaram57 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out what the essay will discuss. Try to avoid vague or unclear phrasing like 'this statement is going to discuss....'
task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Referring to specific instances or more detailed illustrations could improve your score in this area.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences lack clarity and grammatical correctness. For example, 'plethora of money to compare with the people'. Review your sentences to ensure clear communication of ideas. Simplifying complex sentences might help.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure by transitioning smoothly between points. Elements like 'moreover', 'thus' need to be used more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present and attempts to sum up your argument logically, which is good practice.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?