Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Achieved
Correct article usage
An achieved
show examples
athletic
person
has to make
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
of money to compare with the
people
who are working in
a prominent sectors
Correct the article-noun agreement
prominent sectors
a prominent sector
show examples
.
People
few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
concurrence with
this
statement,
whereas
others
are detracting
Wrong verb form
detract
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
this
.
This
statement is going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
view
Fix the agreement mistake
views
show examples
by giving the
below mentioned
Add a hyphen
below-mentioned
show examples
points, On the one hand, all
nations
have specific national
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
and players are
selecting
Wrong verb form
selected
show examples
by that
country
’s authorized committee.
Hence
, the players who are playing for the
nations
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are all getting more priority in all facilities from that
country
. If they win in any international
sports
their
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
name and fame will reach
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
sky level.
Moreover
,
sports
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
one of the cultural
identity
Fix the agreement mistake
identities
show examples
of each
country
,
hence
Correct word choice
and hence
show examples
athletic
person
contribution is more important for the
country
. To illustrate, France,
Portugal
Correct word choice
and Portugal
show examples
countries are spending more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their players who are playing in football
tournament
Fix the agreement mistake
tournaments
show examples
.
On the other hand
, each
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
development is fully biased on their
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
, production and research sectors.
Therefore
, citizens who are working in
this
field are getting low remuneration.
Furthermore
, most of the
nations
are
giving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
discrimination
Replace the word
discriminating
show examples
between
Change preposition
against
show examples
sports
and vital sectors. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
employees
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
who are working in
research
Correct article usage
the research
show examples
and
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
field they are the
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
to save the
country
from
threads
Correct your spelling
threats
show examples
.
Thus
, they are the meritorious
people
to get more
paycheck
Fix the agreement mistake
paychecks
show examples
.
To sum up
,
my
Change preposition
in my
show examples
point of view
sports
person
has all the talent to get money more as compared to others.
Whilst
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
people
who are serving
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nation’s welfare will not
neglect
Wrong verb form
be neglected
show examples
by the
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
government.
Submitted by smsundaram57 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly sets out what the essay will discuss. Try to avoid vague or unclear phrasing like 'this statement is going to discuss....'
task achievement
Your essay needs more specific examples to strengthen your argument. Referring to specific instances or more detailed illustrations could improve your score in this area.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences lack clarity and grammatical correctness. For example, 'plethora of money to compare with the people'. Review your sentences to ensure clear communication of ideas. Simplifying complex sentences might help.
coherence cohesion
Improve the structure by transitioning smoothly between points. Elements like 'moreover', 'thus' need to be used more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You have made an effort to present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is present and attempts to sum up your argument logically, which is good practice.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
What to do next:
Look at other essays: