'Celebrity status no longer equates with talent/accomplishments.' Discuss. what are the reasons for your answer

In
this
contemporary epoch, celebrities have always been an interesting subject among the public.
However
, in recent years the focus of most famous personalities has shifted from accomplishments to lavish lifestyles. The critics believe that it provides negative examples to young
people
.
This
essay will delve into the benefits and drawbacks of
this
essay and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion as well. The most
reason
Correct word choice
important reason
show examples
to reject the statement is that a relentless number of
people
are famous
due to
their wealthy
living style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. They are able to earn a good amount of money by showing their fancy clothes, house, and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cars on various social media sites, and they are successful in
this
because
people
like and follow them.
For example
,
Mr.
Change the punctuation
Mr
show examples
Beast, an extremely famous and rich blogger from America earns millions of dollars by showing his
luxuries
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
lifestyle. On the flip side, youngsters are not interested in recognizing their
talent
and skills.
Instead
, they start following
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media stars to earn fame.
This
is not a positive development for society as
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
because
this
showoff
Correct your spelling
show
show examples
helps them to earn money, which is good for them but in reality, the real
talent
of individuals
such
as singing and dancing remains unidentified.
Furthermore
, some
people
have earned
name
Fix the agreement mistake
names
show examples
and fame through huge
struggle
Fix the agreement mistake
struggles
show examples
, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
not truly recognized by folks.
Moreover
, everyone works really hard to earn a healthy and wealthy lifestyle for them whether it's through real
talent
or
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
another way.
Thus
, everyone has the right to enjoy their wealth, it does not matter
however
Correct word choice
how
show examples
was it earned. A famous singer, a businessman, or a blogger puts equal
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
in their job to get recognition.
To conclude
, as per the statements mentioned above,
although
the focus of celebrities is shifting from
talent
to
Correct article usage
a luxuries
show examples
luxuries
Replace the word
luxurious
show examples
life, still they
are work
Change the verb form
are working
show examples
hard for that as well.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement is clear and directly addresses the essay prompt. This will provide a strong foundation for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences support this idea. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Vary your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can add variety and interest.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples for your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your discussion.
task achievement
You have used relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported, making your arguments credible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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