'Celebrity status no longer equates with talent/accomplishments.' Discuss. what are the reasons for your answer

this

Linking Words

contemporary epoch, celebrities have always been an interesting subject among the public.

However

Linking Words

, in recent years the focus of most famous personalities has shifted from accomplishments to lavish lifestyles. The critics believe that it provides negative examples to young

people

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

essay will delve into the benefits and drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

essay and

thus

Linking Words

will lead to a logical conclusion as well. The most

reason

Correct word choice

important reason

show examples

to reject the statement is that a relentless number of

people

Use synonyms

are famous

due to

Linking Words

their wealthy

living style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

. They are able to earn a good amount of money by showing their fancy clothes, house, and

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

cars on various social media sites, and they are successful in

this

Linking Words

because

people

Use synonyms

like and follow them.

For example

Linking Words

Mr.

Change the punctuation

show examples

Beast, an extremely famous and rich blogger from America earns millions of dollars by showing his

luxuries

Replace the word

luxurious

show examples

lifestyle. On the flip side, youngsters are not interested in recognizing their

talent

Use synonyms

and skills.

Instead

Linking Words

, they start following

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social media stars to earn fame.

This

Linking Words

is not a positive development for society as

whole

Correct article usage

a whole

show examples

because

this

Linking Words

showoff

Correct your spelling

show

show examples

helps them to earn money, which is good for them but in reality, the real

talent

Use synonyms

of individuals

such

Linking Words

as singing and dancing remains unidentified.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

have earned

name

Fix the agreement mistake

names

show examples

and fame through huge

struggle

Fix the agreement mistake

struggles

show examples

, which

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

not truly recognized by folks.

Moreover

Linking Words

, everyone works really hard to earn a healthy and wealthy lifestyle for them whether it's through real

talent

Use synonyms

Change preposition

show examples

another way.

Thus

Linking Words

, everyone has the right to enjoy their wealth, it does not matter

Linking Words

however

Correct word choice

how

show examples

was it earned. A famous singer, a businessman, or a blogger puts equal

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

in their job to get recognition.

To conclude

Linking Words

, as per the statements mentioned above,

although

Linking Words

the focus of celebrities is shifting from

talent

Use synonyms

Correct article usage

a luxuries

show examples

luxuries

Replace the word

luxurious

show examples

life, still they

are work

Change the verb form

are working

show examples

hard for that as well.

ss6802125

Jun 16, 2024

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task achievement

Make sure your thesis statement is clear and directly addresses the essay prompt. This will provide a strong foundation for your arguments.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences support this idea. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.

task achievement

Vary your sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can add variety and interest.

task achievement

Provide more detailed examples for your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make them more convincing.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your discussion.

task achievement

You have used relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your points.

coherence cohesion

Your main points are generally well-supported, making your arguments credible.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

310 words

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