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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Write a paragraph about a job you would like to do in the future.

#paragraph #job #future
Well, to be honest, I am living the dream
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
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 a business manager. The reasons why I choose
this
 job for several purposes.
Firstly
, I
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
consider myself an outgoing person, so I particularly like meeting new people and making friends with them, which helps to expand my social circle. Another reason could be that I am likely to have good working conditions to work with my friendly and intelligent colleagues, which can allow me to learn new knowledge from them.
In addition
 to learning how to manage and divide my teamwork effectively to achieve performance, I told my team that doing their best is always more important than winning or losing and always maintaining a sense of competition in work. What’s more, only by working in a good environment can I have more opportunities for a high promotion in the future.
Finally
, Thanks to a decent job, I can get handsome salaries to support myself and my family. Especially, I can help impoverished people who are living in the countryside.
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Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, consider using more linking words and transitions to connect your ideas more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Try to use a wider range of sentence structures to add variety to your writing.
Task Achievement
Make sure to fully develop each main point and provide more specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and contributes to the overall argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay contains relevant and specific examples that support your main points.
Task Achievement
You have clearly stated your future job goal and provided several reasons to support your choice.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are logically structured and well-organized, making your essay easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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