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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph gives information about the number of Iranian, Greek and Turkish students who enrolled at Sheffield University between 2005 and 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented line chats
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the changes in international
student
Use synonyms
enrollment
Use synonyms
 in Iran , Greece and Turkey over a period
4
Change preposition
of 4
show examples
years from 2005 to 2009 .
Overall
Linking Words
, international
student
Use synonyms
enrollment
Use synonyms
 witnessed an upward trend in the percentage of 3 countries but in Iran was the highest.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
show examples
 in Turkey
where
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 was a moderate growth in international
student
Use synonyms
enrollment
Use synonyms
rocketed
Correct pronoun usage
that rocketed
show examples
 substantially at 40% .
Then
Linking Words
 between 2007 and 2009
where
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 was a moderate growth
international
Change preposition
in international
show examples
student
Use synonyms
enrollment
Use synonyms
 from 90% to 120% . Iran county between 2005 and 2007 international
student
Use synonyms
enrollment
Use synonyms
 boomed substantially at 70% . After 2 years
where
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 was a
sight
Correct your spelling
slight
show examples
 increase from 90% to 120% in 2009 . Regarding the figure for Turkey in 2005
account
Wrong verb form
accounted
show examples
 for 180% the highest in
3
Correct article usage
the 3
show examples
countries after remained changed over time .
Started at
Verb problem
From
show examples
 2005 to 2007 international
student
Use synonyms
enrollment
Use synonyms
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 considerably from 180% to 70% . During the period from 2007 to 2009
where
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 was a minimal decline from 90% to 70% striking enough, only in 2007 did the number of international
student
Use synonyms
enrollment
Use synonyms
 for 3 countries
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
equalled .

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words student, enrollment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "substantially" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Enrolled
  • Enrollments
  • Trend
  • Steady increase
  • Initial increase
  • Decline
  • Sharp increase
  • Peaking
  • Noteworthy comparison
  • Contrasting trends
  • Period
  • Given period
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