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Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate student who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate student who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #student #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar charts compare other activities than a full-time job that have been done by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Britain's bachelor and
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree students after their graduation in 2008. The activities include
further
 study,
unemployment
, part-time
work
, and voluntary
work
.
Overall
, the majority of both graduates chose
further
 studies as
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 main destination,
while
 merely
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 part of them did voluntary
work
.
However
, the total
student
Fix the agreement mistake
number of students
show examples
 that went to the next education and did part-time
work
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 similar for
postgraduates
,
whereas
 it
found
Add a missing verb
was found
show examples
 to be a huge difference for undergraduates.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, in terms of
unemployment
 ratio, the bachelors were higher than
postgraduates
.
To begin
 with, nearly 30
thousand
 of the bachelor graduates took higher educations,
while
 for master, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only accounted for under 3
thousand
 students. Followed by part-time
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 at 17,735 and 2,535, respectively. From
this
, we understood that the number of people who pursuing next studies and doing part-time
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 were quite equal for the
postgraduates
. Moving to
unemployment
, it ranked as the third destination, the value for undergraduates was around 16
thousand
. Meanwhile, it was only about 1,6
thousand
 for
postgraduates
, 10 times lower, which showed that in 2008 the UK's
unemployment
 rate was bigger for undergraduates.
Lastly
, voluntary
work
 lay at 3,5
thousand
 and 345.
Submitted by evaagustine11 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, work, postgraduates, thousand with synonyms.
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