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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate student who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate student who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #uk #graduate #student #work #college #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar charts compare other activities than a full-time job that have been done by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Britain's bachelor and
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 degree students after their graduation in 2008. The activities include
further
Linking Words
 study,
unemployment
Use synonyms
, part-time
work
Use synonyms
, and voluntary
work
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the majority of both graduates chose
further
Linking Words
 studies as
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 main destination,
while
Linking Words
 merely
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 part of them did voluntary
work
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the total
student
Fix the agreement mistake
number of students
show examples
 that went to the next education and did part-time
work
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 similar for
postgraduates
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 it
found
Add a missing verb
was found
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 to be a huge difference for undergraduates.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, in terms of
unemployment
Use synonyms
 ratio, the bachelors were higher than
postgraduates
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, nearly 30
thousand
Use synonyms
 of the bachelor graduates took higher educations,
while
Linking Words
 for master, it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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only accounted for under 3
thousand
Use synonyms
 students. Followed by part-time
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 at 17,735 and 2,535, respectively. From
this
Linking Words
, we understood that the number of people who pursuing next studies and doing part-time
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 were quite equal for the
postgraduates
Use synonyms
. Moving to
unemployment
Use synonyms
, it ranked as the third destination, the value for undergraduates was around 16
thousand
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, it was only about 1,6
thousand
Use synonyms
 for
postgraduates
Use synonyms
, 10 times lower, which showed that in 2008 the UK's
unemployment
Use synonyms
 rate was bigger for undergraduates.
Lastly
Linking Words
, voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 lay at 3,5
thousand
Use synonyms
 and 345.
Submitted by evaagustine11 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words unemployment, work, postgraduates, thousand with synonyms.
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