IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the present, many
families
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 have both
parents
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 working and,
as a result
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, they may not have enough
time
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 to take care of their
children
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.
Consequently
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, they often hire people to look after their
children
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. Some people believe
this
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 is not suitable for
families
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.
However
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, from my point of view, I completely disagree with
this
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 for two reasons: the lack of correlation between the amount of
time
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 spent looking after
children
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 and the quality of family life, and the fact that professional babysitters can care for
children
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 more efficiently than inexperienced
parents
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. First of all, there is no direct correlation between good family relationships and the amount of free
time
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parents
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 spend with their
children
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. What is more important is the quality of
time
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 and the love
parents
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 provide.
For example
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, in my experience, my mother and father didn’t have much
time
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 to play with me when I was young because they had their own business to run during the day. During that
time
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, I stayed with a homemaker.
However
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, every night, my
parents
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 had dinner with me and gave me a warm hug. I shared the fascinating school moments with my mom and dad, which made me feel loved and supported.
Secondly
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, experienced babysitters help new mothers and fathers look after their
children
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 effectively.
For instance
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, new
parents
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 may not know how to handle a crying baby,
whereas
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 professional caregivers know how to manage
such
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 situations.
Moreover
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, most babysitters have the knowledge and skills to enhance a child’s emotional well-being, which can contribute positively to their development. To summarize, I disagree with the statement that hiring people to look after
children
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 is not good for
families
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. There are many factors,
such
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 as love and professional care, that contribute to the well-being of a family.
Therefore
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, perfect
families
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 should provide the crucial elements necessary for the quality growth of their
children
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.

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introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-articulated. To further strengthen your conclusion, you could summarize the main arguments more explicitly.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas are linked explicitly between paragraphs; this strengthens the logical flow. Hence, consider using more transitional phrases between your points and paragraphs.
relevant specific examples
Excellent use of specific examples from personal experience, which make your arguments convincing and relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay demonstrated clear and comprehensive ideas throughout, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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