IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In many families nowadays, both parents work and pay people to look after their children. Some people believe this is not good for families. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #families #parents #work #people #children
In the present, many
families
 have both
parents
 working and,
as a result
, they may not have enough
time
 to take care of their
children
.
Consequently
, they often hire people to look after their
children
. Some people believe
this
 is not suitable for
families
.
However
, from my point of view, I completely disagree with
this
 for two reasons: the lack of correlation between the amount of
time
 spent looking after
children
 and the quality of family life, and the fact that professional babysitters can care for
children
 more efficiently than inexperienced
parents
. First of all, there is no direct correlation between good family relationships and the amount of free
time
parents
 spend with their
children
. What is more important is the quality of
time
 and the love
parents
 provide.
For example
, in my experience, my mother and father didn’t have much
time
 to play with me when I was young because they had their own business to run during the day. During that
time
, I stayed with a homemaker.
However
, every night, my
parents
 had dinner with me and gave me a warm hug. I shared the fascinating school moments with my mom and dad, which made me feel loved and supported.
Secondly
, experienced babysitters help new mothers and fathers look after their
children
 effectively.
For instance
, new
parents
 may not know how to handle a crying baby,
whereas
 professional caregivers know how to manage
such
 situations.
Moreover
, most babysitters have the knowledge and skills to enhance a child’s emotional well-being, which can contribute positively to their development. To summarize, I disagree with the statement that hiring people to look after
children
 is not good for
families
. There are many factors,
such
 as love and professional care, that contribute to the well-being of a family.
Therefore
, perfect
families
 should provide the crucial elements necessary for the quality growth of their
children
.
Submitted by noser074 on

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introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-articulated. To further strengthen your conclusion, you could summarize the main arguments more explicitly.
logical structure
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas are linked explicitly between paragraphs; this strengthens the logical flow. Hence, consider using more transitional phrases between your points and paragraphs.
relevant specific examples
Excellent use of specific examples from personal experience, which make your arguments convincing and relatable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay demonstrated clear and comprehensive ideas throughout, making it easy to follow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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