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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Your report should comprise a minimum of 150 words.

The chart below gives information about the journey to school by children aged 11 to 16 in the UK in a year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Your report should comprise a minimum of 150 words.
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The given bar chart is a figure revealing data about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 11 to 16 years old
children
Use synonyms
's journey to school, by 4 ways ( Walk, Bicycle, Car and Bus ) in the UK for 1 year.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 most
children
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 walk for their journey for lower
miles
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, in long distances they tend to
use
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 the Bus. Generally, the lowest rate is for using the car. As the chart shows, in 0-1
miles
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, 90% of
children
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 prefer to walk,
whereas
Linking Words
 just about 25% of them
use
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this
Linking Words
 way for 2-5
miles
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in over 5
miles
Use synonyms
, the highest
percentage
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 of students tend to
use
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 Bus, approximately 70%, and the lowest proportion of buses is for 0-1
miles
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, at almost 3%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, car
use
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 is the lowest
percentage
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 of other way between
children
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, as we see in all
miles
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 it just
use
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 about 10%, 20%, 30% and over 20%, respectively. In order to Bicycle, in 0-1 and 2-5, the
percentage
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 of
use
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 is almost similar, at about 50%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, for over 5
miles
Use synonyms
 there is not any data in the walk.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, children, miles, use with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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