IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Write about the following topic: Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out.  In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #english #school #languages #risk
The
Correct article usage
Languages
show examples
languages
 have a pivotal role in everyone's life.which is the basis of communication.Studying
English
 at school is more essential than local
languages
 .In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it is important for everyone to learn
English
.
This
 essay will discuss
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
necessary
Replace the word
necessity
show examples
 of both
English
 and mother tongue. On the one hand,in the modern era , the trend has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
changed.
For instance
, nowadays people are migrating to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
europe
Change the capitalization
Europe
show examples
.So the British
language
 is needed to communicate with foreigners and
beneficial
Add a missing verb
is beneficial
show examples
 to
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
show examples
 good interpersonal
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
Moreover
,foreign
languages
 help to work smoothly at a firm.
This
language
 has
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 role in every country
.which
Correct your spelling
which
 is an indispensable one.
Besides
,
This
language
 must
initiate
Wrong verb form
be initiated
show examples
 to learn from primary education.If it
is not teaches
Change the verb form
is not taught
show examples
 at school,they are putting students at risk.
On the other hand
,The native
language
 has a vital role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.As an Indian, society should know
to
Rephrase
how to
show examples
 speak,read ,and write
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
language
.These
are help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 them to communicate with their parents, siblings and local friends.From
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
primary school onwards teach
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own
language
 to children ,For ensure their proficiency ,conduct a
language
 test. In conclusion,for every individual ,
languages
 are possible to learn.
This
 will help to maintain good
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.The native
languages
 can express the feelings of a person.If
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to work internationally,should learn
English
,which is helpful to work with foreigners.In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 both
languages
 are important, individuals should test their ability to read,write and speak
Submitted by saniyasunny1848 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to include more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate your points. For instance, mentioning a particular scenario where learning English significantly benefited an individual or a community would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and grammar. This will help to make your ideas clearer and easier to follow. For example, ensure proper spacing after punctuation and avoid run-on sentences.
coherence cohesion
Reorganize paragraphs for better flow. Ensure each paragraph has one main idea and that the essay flows logically from one point to the next. For example, you might start with the global importance of English, then discuss the cultural significance of local languages, and finally synthesize the two in the conclusion.
introduction conclusion present
You have introduced the topic well and provided a clear stance on the importance of learning both English and local languages.
supported main points
The essay acknowledges the multiple dimensions of language learning, touching on both the practical and cultural aspects, which is insightful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: