IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

task 2: some people think that physical strength is important for sucess in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #strength #sucess #sport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a common belief that physical
strength
 plays a vital role
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 success in
sportgames
Correct your spelling
sports
,
while
 others hold the school of thought that it is much more crucial to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good mental
health
.
This
 essay will analyze both stances, before showing my final thought. On the one hand, proponents of physical
strength
 argue that to be successful in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
needs
Verb problem
apply
show examples
physical
health
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 the key. There are good grounds for that idea.
Firstly
, physical
strength
 supplies athletes with
flexibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
flexibility
show examples
 and abilities for
hard core
Correct your spelling
hardcore
show examples
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
, which requires them to expend their talents
as well as
 energy. With
strong-built
Correct your spelling
strong
show examples
health
, athletes or sporters can be able to adapt to various difficult levels of working out. Take weightlifting
for example
,
have
Wrong verb form
Having
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical fitness
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
people
 the advantage
to participate
Change preposition
of participating
show examples
 in
this
sport
, which often rewards the most outstanding titles for who can
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
deadlift with the most bumper plates, and each bumper plate can weigh up to 25kg.
Secondly
,
people
also
 demand physical
strength
 for stamina, especially in running. It allows trainees to have longer
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 with even more exercises than
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 do not have
this
 type of
strength
. The more time
people
 spend
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
, the better results they may get.
On the other hand
, mental
health
 contributes
even
Correct article usage
an even
show examples
 more important factor to achievements in sports
according to
 the advocates of
this
 thought. The foremost reason can be referred to is that mental
health
 is the base for motivation and discipline in
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
. Had
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 not been any motivations and disciplines, the
sportpersons
Correct your spelling
sportspersons
sport persons
 would not
start
Wrong verb form
have started
show examples
 and
then
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintained
show examples
 their preparation for
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 competitions or
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 games.
Besides
this
, there is determination, which
gather
Change the verb form
gathers
show examples
 the whole concentration of a person in the purpose of pursuing his or her desires, that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 mentality brings to
people
.
In particular
,
esport
Correct your spelling
esports
such
 as League of Legends
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not require
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 players to be fit but attention and mindful ability throughout stressful
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 of competitions to achieve the highest rewards.
Therefore
, a balanced approach
id
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 likely the most rational idea.
People
 should build their
strength
 in order to attain not only
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good
health
 but
also
 hard
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
,
while
 they structure a firm mental
health
 to overcome failures and touch their goals accompanied by determination in contests and disciplinal practices. There is a common belief that physical
strength
 plays a vital role in success in sports,
while
 others hold the school of thought that it is much more crucial to have good mental
health
.
This
 essay will analyze both stances, before showing my final thought.
Submitted by mylinhlee27 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity and avoid repetition in your writing. The final paragraph can be more concise and avoid reiteration.
coherence cohesion
Refine language use to make it clearer and more precise. Phrases like 'had it not been any motivations' can be simplified for better understanding.
task achievement
Expand the use of specific examples to support arguments more robustly. For instance, use more diverse athletic disciplines to illustrate opposing views.
task achievement
Proofread for minor grammatical and vocabulary errors that can affect readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in understanding the flow of arguments.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on the topic, which showcases your ability to critically analyze different viewpoints.
task achievement
The use of specific examples such as weightlifting and eSports enriches the essay and provides concrete support for the arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: