IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children who grow up in a family short of money are more capable of dealing with problems in adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It has always been believed that family background plays a pivotal role in
formation
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the formation
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 of
children
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's mental and personality characteristics. Problem solving, as a mental ability, is no exception, as it could be influenced by many variables
such
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 as
financial
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the financial
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 status of the family. It is argued by some that despite being at
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an economical
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economical
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economic
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 disadvantage,
children
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 from impoverished parents
develope
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develop
developed
 a superior ability to tackle obstacles in future. I totally agree with
this
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 point of view, and my idea will be supported by rationale and examples in the following essay.
To begin
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 with, it is imperative to realize the underlying mechanisms involved in driving humans to
delvelope
Correct your spelling
develop
 new traits. As a general rule, unless there are essential needs to
fullfil
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fulfil
,
people
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 won't have enough motives to devote
required
Correct article usage
the required
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 time and energy when it comes to tackling issues. In many ways, coming from a poor family stimulates the same process, as impoverished
children
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 are
usaully
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usually
 deprived
from
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of
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 their basic demands.
As a result
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, during their
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life time
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lifetime
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, they learn to cope with problems using substitute solutions which do not require money, eventually bolstering their creativity and analytic skills.
Secondly
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, it's a common finding to see
children
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 coming from underprivileged families
to
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apply
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start working
from
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at
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 earlier ages as their family's income is not sufficient and needs
further
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 supplementation. In my opinion,
although
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 recruiting
children
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 from young ages is socially unacceptable, if these
children
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 are given appropriate jobs
according to
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 their age and talent, they will not only contribute to their family's earnings
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 obtain several vital characteristics
such
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 as
inpedendence
Correct your spelling
independence
 and
self reliance
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self-reliance
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 which are the main characteristics associated with better problem-solving ability. In short, being poor may enforce some changes
on
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in
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people
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's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, making them more innovative and decisive. Turning to the other side of the argument, it is argued by some
people
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 that mainly
due to
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 financial problems, these
children
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 are less likely to maximise their education,
therefore
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, regarding Many aspects of
life
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 and
it's
Correct your spelling
its
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 related problems, they always lack enough knowledge and expertise. They claim that if the
children
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 from impoverished families had the chance to
persue
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pursue
peruse
 higher education, they would become better thinkers who can handle future
life
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 issues with more efficiency. To recapitulate, coming from a poorer background undisputedly places individuals at severe disadvantages,
however
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, there are some merits associated with
wrose
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worse
 financial status as it can potentially
triggers
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trigger
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evolution
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the evolution
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 of some positive traits. From my experience,
people
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 who had to deal with
Add an article
the shortage
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shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
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 in their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 would become greater
probelm-solvers
Correct your spelling
problem-solvers
problems-solvers
.

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grammar
Try to minimize spelling and minor grammatical errors, as they can disrupt the reading flow. For instance, 'develope' should be 'develop' and 'inpedendence' should be 'independence'.
structure
Ensure that your sentences are concise and clear. Some sentences are quite long and could be broken down further for better clarity.
task response
Expand on the counter-argument slightly more to show a balanced discussion. This will enhance the depth of your essay.
task response
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, effectively framing the main points discussed in the essay.
content
The essay uses relevant examples and logical reasoning to support its points, which strengthens the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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