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Band 5.5

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed. In which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion ?

#areas #‘curfew’ #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
In some places of the US, there is a limitation that teenagers have no right to be out of the house after a specific time at night if an adult is not with them. I think
this
 law is created for young safety and could be a good structure until they grow up. Being with younger society when they still not be able to save themself from robbers or dangers that are in a city can be helpful.
For example
, when a robber wants to steal a mobile phone from a child and he or she sees someone beside
this
 person it is possible that he or she will regret doing
this
 act. So
this
 limitation can be effective for being safe. If the government have made
this
 limitation in some particular locations, there is a clear reason which can be these places are not safe and in the past, some crimes have happened in them so the government decided to make some limitations to not prevent
this
 happen. In conclusion, I believe that
this
 law can help people but not always and professionals must do some measurements before gets late because the dangers of
this
 type of situation can injure young people which is so bad.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task achievement
Your essay could benefit from further development and detail in each paragraph to demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic. For example, providing more specific examples or statistics would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
To improve clarity and make your ideas more comprehensive, try to expand on your points. For instance, elaborate on how teens might benefit from such curfews in terms of their mental and emotional well-being, not just physical safety.
coherence cohesion
It’s important to connect your ideas more consistently across paragraphs. Linking back to your thesis statement periodically will help to reinforce your argument and improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Try using more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the overall readability and make your writing more engaging.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which contributes to a well-organized structure.
task achievement
You have provided a reasonable argument in support of curfews for teenagers, focusing on their safety, which aligns well with your overall thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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