IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Topic: The increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

#topic #production #consumer #goods #results #damage #environment
The damage to the natural environment increased alongside
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the growth of
consumer
goods
production
. Product packaging wastes and the unprocessed chemical materials involved in
production
 processes are the main key factors why
this
issue
 happened. Government involvement is crucial in solving
this
issue
 by establishing sets of
regulations
 to govern the
consumer
goods
 industry. The
production
 of
consumer
products
 ruins the environment
due to
 two main reasons, namely unrecyclable packaging and the involvement of multiple chemical
products
 throughout the manufacturing processes. Hard-to-recycle packaging,
such
 as cans from soda
products
, will end up in a landfill
up
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for up
show examples
 to a hundred years before it dissolves. Tons of canned
waste
 will damage the soil
as well as
 the air around the landfill.
Furthermore
, several chemical materials utilized during the
production
 are not well managed and neutralized. Usually, these chemical wastes will be thrown directly into the river,
thus
 impacting the water quality. The government plays an important role in solving
this
issue
. Sets of
regulations
 can be established to govern the
consumer
goods
 industry, starting from raw material preparation to
waste
 management.
For instance
, national authorities can set the standard on the type of
waste
 and percentage of remaining particular chemicals that are allowed to be dumped into the environment,
such
 as limiting the percentage of PET to around 3% in the
waste
. Water pollution can be highly suppressed if these
regulations
 are successfully applied to all
consumer
 product manufacturers. Rapidly increased
consumer
goods
production
 impacts the stability of nature, mainly
due to
 the recyclable packaging and unneutralized chemical
products
 involved in the
production
 processes. I believe that the government should implement sets of
regulations
 to solve
this
issue
.
Submitted by rizkyy.utama22 on

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Coherence and cohesion
Make sure to consistently use formal language throughout the essay for a better academic tone (e.g., replacing "several" with "numerous").
Task achievement
Ensure that all examples are detailed and relevant to the causes mentioned, possibly by elaborating more on the impacts of chemical components.
Introduction and Conclusion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a well-rounded conclusion that reiterates the main points.
Logical Structure
Logical structure is present with clear separation of different ideas in paragraphs.
Supported Main Points
Main points are supported with relevant examples such as soda cans and chemical waste, which are directly connected to the issue discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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