IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
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There is a view that kids and adults spend their leisure
time
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 with the way via brand new
gadgets
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.
While
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 children can improve their skills of
usage
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using
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 their phones, I believe the drawbacks are far greater than
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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. One of the main advantages is that constantly using
gadgets
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 can improve your ability
of using
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to use
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latest
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the latest
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 technologies and understand how to work with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 in daily life. Nowadays, everyone should know the
basic
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basics
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 of using
latest
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the latest
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gadgets
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 because
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 applies
in
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apply
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everywhere.
For instance
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, as a child, I had a great interest in technology and spent a significant amount of
time
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 learning about it. Now, I am well-versed in all aspects of
this
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 field. Despite these benefits, in my opinion, the concerns are far more significant. One significant disadvantage is that children may spend excessive amounts of
time
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 playing video games or watching videos and they neglect essential activities.
This
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 can include spending less
time
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 with parents, reducing interaction with friends, and reducing academic study
time
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.
Moreover
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, the frequent use of electronic devices can lead to vision impairment.
Therefore
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, it is recommended to take short breaks to prevent harm to your health and not to wear glasses on a daily basis. In conclusion, there are some benefits like gaining knowledge about using
of
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apply
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electronic
gadgets
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as well as
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 downsides. As for me, everyone can spend their free
time
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 in their own way
,
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apply
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 but still need to devote
time
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 to real events as well.
Submitted by isrofildavrushov on

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task achievement
Enhance your explanation of advantages by providing more concrete examples and elaborating on how technology actually benefits children's development.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the connection between ideas by using more linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between your points.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more equally to present a balanced view, although you may still argue in favor of one side.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear introduction that establishes the topic and your stance on the issue.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion is concise and neatly reaffirms your opinion, summarizing the key point of the discussion.
supported main points
You've identified a relevant disadvantage of technology affecting children's interaction and health, which supports your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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