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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#technologies #children #time #trend
There is a view that kids and adults spend their leisure
time
 with the way via brand new
gadgets
.
While
 children can improve their skills of
usage
Replace the word
using
show examples
 their phones, I believe the drawbacks are far greater than
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
. One of the main advantages is that constantly using
gadgets
 can improve your ability
of using
Replace the preposition
to use
show examples
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 technologies and understand how to work with
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in daily life. Nowadays, everyone should know the
basic
Fix the agreement mistake
basics
show examples
 of using
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
gadgets
 because
is
Correct your spelling
it
show examples
 applies
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everywhere.
For instance
, as a child, I had a great interest in technology and spent a significant amount of
time
 learning about it. Now, I am well-versed in all aspects of
this
 field. Despite these benefits, in my opinion, the concerns are far more significant. One significant disadvantage is that children may spend excessive amounts of
time
 playing video games or watching videos and they neglect essential activities.
This
 can include spending less
time
 with parents, reducing interaction with friends, and reducing academic study
time
.
Moreover
, the frequent use of electronic devices can lead to vision impairment.
Therefore
, it is recommended to take short breaks to prevent harm to your health and not to wear glasses on a daily basis. In conclusion, there are some benefits like gaining knowledge about using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
electronic
gadgets
as well as
 downsides. As for me, everyone can spend their free
time
 in their own way
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but still need to devote
time
 to real events as well.
Submitted by isrofildavrushov on

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task achievement
Enhance your explanation of advantages by providing more concrete examples and elaborating on how technology actually benefits children's development.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the connection between ideas by using more linking words and phrases to ensure smooth transitions between your points.
task achievement
Make sure to address both sides of the argument more equally to present a balanced view, although you may still argue in favor of one side.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear introduction that establishes the topic and your stance on the issue.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion is concise and neatly reaffirms your opinion, summarizing the key point of the discussion.
supported main points
You've identified a relevant disadvantage of technology affecting children's interaction and health, which supports your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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