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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The use of mobile phones has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. What are the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones?

#phones #century #cell #purposes #phone
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Nowadays we are more dependent on our cell phones than before. The usage of smartphones is enormously increasing every day by creating new platforms. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using mobile phones in our daily routine. These days smartphones are becoming more useful, especially by reducing the amount of driving.
For instance
, in many cases, you don't need to drive to the bank for a simple transaction or to a grocery store for shopping because you can do it with just a few clicks on your phone's screen. So, you will save on gas and
also
 time.
On the other hand
, you can easily text whatever you desire to everybody whenever you want
instead
 of sending a message by mail.
Although
 mobiles have been getting more advantageous, they can cause serious long-term health issues. It has been proved by scientists that phone devices are creating unseen radiation and having them close to our body might have potential heart, brain, and eye damage. A recommendation has been that, keep these tools away from ourselves
while
 sleeping at night.
This
 essay about the advantages and disadvantages of smartphones illustrated that,
although
 they might be more useful in saving time and money, they can
also
 be detrimental to our health system. In my opinion, We should keep in mind that overusing these attractive tools can be so harmful to our bodies and we must take
this
 alarm more seriously.
Submitted by mohammadmafi6809 on

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task achievement
You have covered the required points in the task prompt and presented a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones. However, some points could be expanded with more detail and additional examples to fully develop your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on expanding and supporting your main points. This will help to make your essay more convincing and comprehensive. Include more specific examples and evidence where applicable.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states the topic and sets up what you will discuss in the body paragraphs. This helps to prepare the reader for what is to come.
coherence cohesion
You have a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization makes it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
task achievement
You've presented a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, covering different aspects of mobile phone use effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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