There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays.
Music
has always been a part of people’s lives, and it has been a crucial aspect for
society and has evolved to a variety of genres and styles. Change preposition
of
However
, most of them listen to modern music
and start to forget the traditional one. Hence
, in this
essay, I will discuss the reason why music
is needed in human lives and presenting
my opinion Wrong verb form
present
and
regarding the importance of traditional Correct word choice
apply
music
compared to international music
.
To begin
with, music
is a part of an ancestral cultural heritage which was used in many cases such
as for entertainment, national anthem, and traditional ritual. In contrast
, music
is mostly used for entertainment purposes. In addition
, music
can also
be used as a form of expressing oneself through the rhythm and lyric
of the song. In the international dancing community, Fix the agreement mistake
lyrics
music
has become a tool to connect dancers from different backgrounds and nationalities to unite and communicate through music
.
Despite the majority of people listening to international music
from famous artists such
as Bruno Mars and Taylor Swift, I personally think that traditional music
is a crucial aspect. For instance
, national
anthem, Correct article usage
the national
indigenous
ritual Capitalize word
Indigenous
song
and classic Fix the agreement mistake
songs
religion
songs have purpose and lyrics with deep meaning. Replace the word
religious
As a result
, this
music
will always be remembered due to
its aim, and it is irreplaceable because of its uniqueness compared to international music
whose purpose is for entertainment.
To conclude
, even though the majority of people listen to international music
due to
trends and also
the need to enjoy music
, traditional music
tends to be as important as international music
.Submitted by kelly on
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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that your examples are more specific and directly support your points. For instance, mentioning specific traditional songs or cultural contexts would strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help in making your essay flow better.
task achievement
Ensure to maintain balance in discussing both parts of the prompt equally. Both 'why we need music' and 'traditional vs. international music' should be explored in-depth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-articulated, providing a clear context about the discussion of music and summarizing the argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced view and touches upon essential points about the role of music in human life and the importance of traditional music.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?