The movement of people from agricultural areas to big cities has caused many problems at both places. What are the reasons of this problem and how can it be solved?
It is well-known that in some parts of the world a significant decline in the countryside population and growth of urban habitats noticed within the
last
decades. This
relocation has a detrimental effect on both cities
and rural areas as it is undermining agricultural productivity and putting enormous pressure on urban infrastructure. People are moving to big cities
for a better life and educational opportunities for their kids. Therefore
this
aspect needs to be addressed in order to solve this
problem.
The main reason for this
relocation is that people believe that cities
provide better chances for their children to get a university degree and a well-paid job in the future. For instance
, in New Zealand, according to
the latest industry report, the majority of students of level 3 and level 4 courses, which are the main source of entry-level positions in many industries, are from the rural areas, not going to return back to their home regions and keen to stay in Auckland permanently.
Consequently
, to tackle this
problem, the same aspect needs to be addressed. Governments should build more colleges and professional institutes in the countryside. If juveniles have the opportunity to study and gain a qualification in their country, they will most probably settle there and have a greater chance to get a job or set up their small business there.
In conclusion, to deal with the increasing movement of the rural population into cities
, creating education and development opportunities for youth in rural areas is the most effective method to keep countryside
population.Correct article usage
the countryside
Submitted by lea12nz on
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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons for the movement and proposing a solution. However, you could have expanded more on the solutions, perhaps by suggesting additional measures besides educational opportunities.
task achievement
Though your ideas are generally clear, some parts of your essay could benefit from more precise wording and clarity. For instance, specify what you mean by 'level 3 and level 4 courses.'
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and is easy to follow. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance overall cohesion. Consider using linking phrases to make the connection between ideas more explicit.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and do a good job summarizing the essay, ensure the conclusion precisely wraps up all points discussed rather than focusing mainly on one aspect (education).
task achievement
Your essay addresses all parts of the prompt effectively by discussing both the causes and possible solutions for the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly sets the stage for what will be discussed, and your conclusion does well to summarize the main points.
task achievement
Your essay contains relevant examples, such as the New Zealand report, that help to illustrate your points effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.