There are more new towns nowadays, it is more important to include public parks and sports for individuals to spend their free time. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is clear that
there are many towns in the world . So , the existance
of public gardens and sports for Correct your spelling
existence
people
is essential to spend their liesure
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
. I agree with this
issue completely and I will explain my own idea about this
plan in further
paragraphs.
To begin
with , the number of towns is increasing and people
need more facilities for their free time
. As you know technology has improved and governments can provide modern places for their own citizens. Actually , it is right of people
to have a place for spending thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
time
after work. For instance
, they work all days in
a week and they want to relax at weekends. Change preposition
apply
Hence
, they prefer to go to the park and breath
fresh air and hear to sounds of birds for peace. Replace the word
breathe
On the other hand
, in terms of psychology , children must play in the courtyard to free they
Correct pronoun usage
their
enegy
. Correct your spelling
energy
Also
, play
with others is crucial for their communication in their lives. Wrong verb form
playing
Thus
, it has Correct article usage
an affect
affect
on their future at school Correct your spelling
effect
as well as
in the
society.
In the meantime , because of Correct article usage
apply
improvement
of modern society , Correct article usage
the improvement
people
have to multi-task and almost most people
do not enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
time
for cooking. So , they have to eat fast food and it is clear that
fatty food leads to health problems. Since fats is
harmful Change the verb form
are
for
Change the preposition
to
body
and Add an article
the body
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
causes
high weight. Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
Therefore
, it is necessary to create a lot of gyms for exercise in free time
for people
. In addition
, since there are many cars in the street , pollution is extended, Hence
people
need fresh air for breathing and more facilities for their activities.
To sum up
, there are many cities and this
issue is continueing
. Correct your spelling
continuing
By contrast
, people
need more places , such
as public parks and gyms for their leisure time
. This
is an important isseue
in modern society.Correct your spelling
issue
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task achievement
While you have addressed the topic and provided a clear standpoint, ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a single main idea and its supporting details. For example, focus one paragraph on the need for public parks and another on the significance of sports facilities.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical organization by using more linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will improve the flow and make the essay easier to follow. Review the transitions between different ideas to make them smoother.
language
Some grammatical errors and inappropriate word choices interrupted the flow of your ideas. For example, 'existance' should be 'existence', 'leisure' should be 'leisure', and 'free they energy' should be 'free their energy'. Review your essay to ensure there are no such mistakes to improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which help to frame your argument effectively.
task achievement
Examples were provided to support the main points, such as mentioning the importance of children playing outside for psychological reasons.