IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental probien of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and inciude any relevant examples from your own.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Opinions are divided into whether the loss of specific
species
Use synonyms
 including plants and animals is more necessary than the rest or whether there are
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
 environmental issues which should be cared about.
While
Linking Words
 I understand the logic behind the former view, I am still in favour of the latter. Those who believe that these
species
Use synonyms
 comprising plants and animals are the main reason which can cause bad effect on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 may have several arguments. They may well argue that the endangered animals would be the
species
Use synonyms
 that can be protected to preserve the entire environment.
This
Linking Words
 is because
although
Linking Words
 a lot of campaigns were made by people
of saving
Change preposition
to save
show examples
 these
species
Use synonyms
, they are still extinct .
For example
Linking Words
, many organizations often share a large number of videos about
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
species
Use synonyms
 to everyone that
save
Wrong verb form
saving
show examples
 them would help us to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 the Earth, but regardless of these efforts more environmental issues still occur.
Therefore
Linking Words
, saving them would actually
a
Add a missing verb
be a
show examples
waste of time and cost many organizations a great deal of money.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I still believe that there are more environmental issues we must take care of for several reasons. Chief among these is that pollution is the main reason that
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 and other
Use synonyms
species
Change noun form
species'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the lack of awareness of people and
also
Linking Words
 stem from the increase in the number of industrial
factory
Change to a plural noun
factories
show examples
. These places can give rise to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 which can
worse
Correct your spelling
worsen
show examples
 the atmosphere and cause climate change and global warming
contribute
Wrong verb form
contributing
show examples
 to the
extinct
Replace the word
extinction
show examples
 of
species
Use synonyms
. If these effects are reversed, nature will recover and a wide range of animal and plant
species
Use synonyms
 can still
alive
Correct your spelling
live
show examples
 and bring back biodiversity. In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that the main environmental problems stem from the loss of animal and plant
species
Use synonyms
 .
However
Linking Words
, I would take the view that there are numerous reasons that can
also
Linking Words
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the environment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay responds well to the task and discusses both views. However, providing more relevant and specific examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, citing specific species that have gone extinct despite conservation efforts would add credibility to your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but some sentences are awkwardly structured or unclear. For instance, 'the endangered animals would be the species that can be protected to preserve the entire environment' can be rephrased for clarity. Try to proofread your essay to catch and correct these issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitioning between some ideas can be smoother. For instance, the transition from the first paragraph to the second could be clearer with a connecting phrase like 'On the other hand.'
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally supported, but they would benefit from more detailed elaboration. For example, when discussing the impact of pollution, specifying types of pollutants and their effects on the environment can make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion. The stance is also clearly stated, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives, which enriches the discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: