Some people say that the main environmental probien of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and inciude any relevant examples from your own.
Opinions are divided into whether the loss of specific
species
including plants and animals is more necessary than the rest or whether there are another
environmental issues which should be cared about. Replace the adjective
other
While
I understand the logic behind the former view, I am still in favour of the latter.
Those who believe that these species
comprising plants and animals are the main reason which can cause bad effect on environment
may have several arguments. They may well argue that the endangered animals would be the Add an article
the environment
species
that can be protected to preserve the entire environment. This
is because although
a lot of campaigns were made by people of saving
these Change preposition
to save
species
, they are still extinct .For example
, many organizations often share a large number of videos about these kind
of Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
species
to everyone that save
them would help us to Wrong verb form
saving
safe
the Earth, but regardless of these efforts more environmental issues still occur. Replace the word
save
Therefore
, saving them would actually a
waste of time and cost many organizations a great deal of money.
Add a missing verb
be a
Nevertheless
, I still believe that there are more environmental issues we must take care of for several reasons. Chief among these is that pollution is the main reason that cause
bad Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
effect
on Fix the agreement mistake
effects
human
and other Fix the agreement mistake
humans
species
Change noun form
species'
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Due to
the lack of awareness of people and also
stem from the increase in the number of industrial factory
. These places can give rise to Change to a plural noun
factories
the
Correct article usage
apply
emission
which can Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
worse
the atmosphere and cause climate change and global warming Correct your spelling
worsen
contribute
to the Wrong verb form
contributing
extinct
of Replace the word
extinction
species
. If these effects are reversed, nature will recover and a wide range of animal and plant species
can still alive
and bring back biodiversity.
In conclusion, it is understandable why some may argue that the main environmental problems stem from the loss of animal and plant Correct your spelling
live
species
. However
, I would take the view that there are numerous reasons that can also
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
on
the environment.Change preposition
apply
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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task and discusses both views. However, providing more relevant and specific examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, citing specific species that have gone extinct despite conservation efforts would add credibility to your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear, but some sentences are awkwardly structured or unclear. For instance, 'the endangered animals would be the species that can be protected to preserve the entire environment' can be rephrased for clarity. Try to proofread your essay to catch and correct these issues.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitioning between some ideas can be smoother. For instance, the transition from the first paragraph to the second could be clearer with a connecting phrase like 'On the other hand.'
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally supported, but they would benefit from more detailed elaboration. For example, when discussing the impact of pollution, specifying types of pollutants and their effects on the environment can make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion. The stance is also clearly stated, which makes it easy for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of different perspectives, which enriches the discussion.