In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
It is undeniable that nowadays people are experiencing a
last
longer life, Correct word choice
apply
comparing
to the past. Wrong verb form
compared
While
some people believe that facing this
phenomenon turns out various problems for governments, other
argue that having more Fix the agreement mistake
others
the
older brings advantages to society. Correct article usage
apply
This
essay will examined
both views in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached.
On the one hand, the Change the verb form
examine
increasing
Replace the word
increase
of
life expectancy has two main benefits, which Change preposition
in
consists
of chasing own dream and living longer with Correct subject-verb agreement
consist
offsprings
. One clear merit of it is elderly people are able to continue doing business as they have sufficient time Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
for managing
their firms or Change preposition
to manage
in
career Change preposition
apply
pathway
. To illustrate, the older enhance to get more Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
incomes
from Fix the agreement mistake
income
this
circumstance. Another one is that residents around the world can spend more time with their family, which is not only the child but also
Correct pronoun usage
their offsprings
offsprings
. Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
For instance
, many grandmothers or grandfathers require to see or raise an infancy
of the family Replace the word
infant
in
the entire period.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, this
statement also
offers a negative result, especially to the governments. Firstly
, due to
a higher population, it affects to overcrowding citizens in the world, resulting in economic problem
. Fix the agreement mistake
problems
Moreover
, geriatrics may stressed and get depression
eventually Replace the word
depressed
as
if they are Correct word choice
apply
surrounding
by Wrong verb form
surrounded
next
generations or if their same ages Correct article usage
the next
are
passed away. These could be Verb problem
have
a serious effects
to Correct the article-noun agreement
serious effects
a serious effect
authourities
tackling Correct your spelling
authorities
this
situation.
In conclusion, In my perspective, having an ageing population leads more
advantages Change preposition
to more
outweigh
the drawbacks. Wrong verb form
outweighing
In addition
, governments ought to struggle this
by providing social welfare, Change preposition
with this
mental
health Correct word choice
and mental
service
, or adding other obligations for geriatrics.Fix the agreement mistake
services
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general
Your essay is off to a good start, but there are areas that could use improvement. First, make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Consider rephrasing sentences like 'experiencing a last longer life' to 'living longer lives.'
task-respond
While you mentioned both views, you need to delve deeper into each argument. For instance, rather than just stating that elderly people can continue doing business, explain how this benefits both the individuals and society as a whole.
coherence-cohesion
There is some disjointedness in the essay. Focus on making smoother transitions between your points. For example, phrases like 'One clear merit of it is' can be replaced with 'Firstly, one clear merit is,' to make it more fluid.
task-response
You provide examples, but they can be more relevant and specific. For example, instead of broadly mentioning 'many grandmothers or grandfathers require to see or raise an infancy of the family,' you could mention how this helps strengthen family bonds and reduces childcare costs.
introduction-conclusion
Your introduction is clear and sets up the debate well.
task-response
You attempted to provide examples for your points, which is good for illustrating your arguments.
introduction-conclusion
You conclude by mentioning that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, summarizing your stance effectively.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...