In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is undeniable that nowadays people are experiencing a

Linking Words

last

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

longer life,

comparing

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

to the past.

While

Linking Words

some people believe that facing

this

Linking Words

phenomenon turns out various problems for governments,

other

Fix the agreement mistake

others

show examples

argue that having more

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

older brings advantages to society.

This

Linking Words

essay will

examined

Change the verb form

examine

show examples

both views in the following paragraphs before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, the

increasing

Replace the word

increase

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

life expectancy has two main benefits, which

consists

Correct subject-verb agreement

consist

show examples

of chasing own dream and living longer with

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

. One clear merit of it is elderly people are able to continue doing business as they have sufficient time

for managing

Change preposition

to manage

show examples

their firms or

Change preposition

apply

show examples

career

pathway

Fix the agreement mistake

pathways

show examples

. To illustrate, the older enhance to get more

incomes

Fix the agreement mistake

income

show examples

from

this

Linking Words

circumstance. Another one is that residents around the world can spend more time with their family, which is not only the child but

also

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

their offsprings

show examples

offsprings

Fix the agreement mistake

offspring

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, many grandmothers or grandfathers require to see or raise an

infancy

Replace the word

infant

show examples

of the family

Change preposition

for

show examples

the entire period.

On the other hand

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

statement

also

Linking Words

offers a negative result, especially to the governments.

Firstly

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

a higher population, it affects to overcrowding citizens in the world, resulting in economic

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

, geriatrics may stressed and get

depression

Replace the word

depressed

show examples

eventually

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

if they are

surrounding

Wrong verb form

surrounded

show examples

Correct article usage

the next

show examples

generations or if their same ages

are

Verb problem

have

show examples

passed away. These could be

a serious effects

Correct the article-noun agreement

serious effects

a serious effect

show examples

authourities

Correct your spelling

authorities

tackling

this

Linking Words

situation. In conclusion, In my perspective, having an ageing population leads

Change preposition

to more

show examples

advantages

outweigh

Wrong verb form

outweighing

show examples

the drawbacks.

In addition

Linking Words

, governments ought to struggle

Linking Words

this

Change preposition

with this

show examples

by providing social welfare,

mental

Correct word choice

and mental

show examples

health

service

Fix the agreement mistake

services

show examples

, or adding other obligations for geriatrics.

arunrak.wkMon Jun 17 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general

Your essay is off to a good start, but there are areas that could use improvement. First, make sure to proofread for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Consider rephrasing sentences like 'experiencing a last longer life' to 'living longer lives.'

task-respond

While you mentioned both views, you need to delve deeper into each argument. For instance, rather than just stating that elderly people can continue doing business, explain how this benefits both the individuals and society as a whole.

coherence-cohesion

There is some disjointedness in the essay. Focus on making smoother transitions between your points. For example, phrases like 'One clear merit of it is' can be replaced with 'Firstly, one clear merit is,' to make it more fluid.

task-response

You provide examples, but they can be more relevant and specific. For example, instead of broadly mentioning 'many grandmothers or grandfathers require to see or raise an infancy of the family,' you could mention how this helps strengthen family bonds and reduces childcare costs.

introduction-conclusion

Your introduction is clear and sets up the debate well.

task-response

You attempted to provide examples for your points, which is good for illustrating your arguments.

introduction-conclusion

You conclude by mentioning that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, summarizing your stance effectively.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

ageing population
benefits
disadvantages
advantages
experience
knowledge
contribution
economy
society
healthcare
youth employment
community
intergenerational support
volunteerism
mentorship
increased demand
pension costs
social welfare systems
workforce
productivity
intergenerational conflict
technological adaptability
dependency
effective
skill development
employment opportunities
intergenerational solidarity
communication
lifelong learning
technological literacy
age-friendly
social policies
infrastructure

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In many counties are investing in new technology to deal with public. Why is this happening? Do you think it is an appropriate use of government money?
In today digital’s era, the new technological device is investigated by many countries in the world in order to deal with the community. This is because, there are some problems with privacy, security and the city’s problems such as overpopulation, and illegal situations and another reason is to improve their country. This makes a high profit and benefits to the country by keeping security or high efficiency. This is very appropriate to invest in technological devices because of their benefits.
6
band
Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is an opinion that people should dedicate all their resources to a career, hence it is the most important part of people's lives. I strongly disagree with this statement, for plenty of reasons, the main one is the fact that every human being has their own goal in life, and it is not always a career. Furthermore, people should understand that there are a lot of meanings which can make life feel full, and investing all energy into one activity may be harmful.
6.5
band
In Some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In certain countries, an increasing number of people are becoming interested in learning about the history of the house or building they inhabit. This essay aims to explore the reasons for this trend and explain how people can research the history of their house.
7
band
With the rise in popularity of the Internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Since the internet connection covers all around the world, it has changed and developed many sectors including the way to disseminate the news. It is undeniable that newspapers have been outdated nowadays and they have been replaced by cyber news. I strongly agree with this notion and this essay will present the explanation and present the logical conclusion.
6
band
Some people believe that once a person becomes a criminal, he will always be a criminal. Do you agree with this statement? Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Some individuals think that if someone has once committed a crime , he or she will repeat it, as they stay a criminal forever. This essay completely disagrees with that statement, owing to the type of crime and individual characteristics of a person.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

In many counties are investing in new technology to deal with public. Why is this happening? Do you think it is an appropriate use of government money?

Some people think that work is the most important thing in people's lives. Without the success of a career, life will become meaningless. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In Some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

With the rise in popularity of the Internet, newspapers will soon become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that once a person becomes a criminal, he will always be a criminal. Do you agree with this statement? Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.