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Writing Samples
Band 7

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #organizations #development #people #aid #advice
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Most developed
countries
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 regard foreign
aid
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 as essential to catch up with the trend of assisting developing
countries
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 in modifying their indigent economies.
While
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 some believe that financial assistance gives a hand to low and middle-income
countries
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 virtually, some consider functional tactics to be more utilitarian and sustainable for developing
countries
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. I am inclined to the latter, yet both views will be elaborated on in the essay. On the one hand, people who support advanced
countries
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 should minister to the backward with financial
aid
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. Precisely, money should be considered a straightforward method for helping least-developed
countries
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.
For example
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, cash from developed states can be extensively utilized in assorted aspects
such
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 as public facilities, food, and the health of the locals.
As a result
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, the assistance is visible and realistic.
On the other hand
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, those who oppose the statement mentioned above believe that feasible arrangements and plans are magnificent ways for the future development of backward nations.
In other words
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, advanced nations provide technical know-how rather than financial
aid
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.
For instance
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, educating local people on knowledge and information of agriculture and medicine and furnishing them with opportunities to study abroad in
aid
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-provided nations.
Hence
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, it is workable for least-developed
countries
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 to obtain long-term development. In my opinion, practical
aid
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 will definitely revise the expansion of undeveloped
countries
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. The financial
aid
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 is short-term and finite.
In contrast
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, technique assistance and cooperation are substances and cannot be deprived of by others.
To sum up
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, despite some advocating financial treatment for the backward, others believe a feasible plan that concentrates on the country’s development is more important.
Consequently
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, I strongly believe that
aid
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-provided
countries
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 should make use of their skills to improve the present situation of developing
countries
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.
Submitted by cba8887 on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Achievement, consider providing more specific examples and data to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing and robust.
coherence cohesion
For better Coherence and Cohesion, improve the logical progression between some of your paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next to enhance readability.
task achievement
You've done a good job addressing both views and providing your own opinion, which strengthens your Task Achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid structural framework.
coherence cohesion
Main points are well supported, and your arguments are generally clear and easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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