IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Recent studies
describes
Change the verb form
describe
show examples
 adolescents preferring online platforms
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 meeting
people
Use synonyms
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
. I believe
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 prefer
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 and comfortability over anything in the current days. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
alternative measures that can be taken to encourage teenagers to spend time more meeting
people
Use synonyms
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
, using reasonable examples to show my viewpoint.
To begin
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 with, there are plenty of reasons causing
this
Linking Words
 shift.
However
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, the first and foremost would be
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
convenient
 and comfortability in using online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
. The advancement of technology has become an ally for the
youth
Use synonyms
 allowing them to play games and connect
people
Use synonyms
 directly from home using social media anytime and anywhere.
Thus
Linking Words
, reducing
travelling
Correct article usage
the travelling
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 hassle
to meet
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of meeting
show examples
 someone.
Second
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The second
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 reason is believed to be safety and security.
For Instance
Linking Words
, meeting
people
Use synonyms
 for girls was always a
stuggle
Correct your spelling
struggle
, raising
concern
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concerns
show examples
 regarding their safety and security, using
virtual
Correct article usage
a virtual
show examples
platfrom
Correct your spelling
platforms
 resolves all these
concern
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concerns
show examples
. Recent studies showed COVID-19 acting as a catalyst to make
this
Linking Words
 sudden shift in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, youngsters using virtual
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 concerns many parents, as it may limit
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 development
for
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of
show examples
youth
Use synonyms
.
To which
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Which
show examples
, organising community events targetting
youth
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 involving sports, arts and technology could encourage teenagers to meet others
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
, events like city fairs with
mutiple
Correct your spelling
multiple
 rides would allow
Add an article
the youngster
a youngster
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 to communicate and meet
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
.
Similarly
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, educational institutions promoting
face to face
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face-to-face
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 group activities and
Add an article
the project
show examples
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
 would
also
Linking Words
be encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 students
into meeting
Change preposition
to meet
show examples
people
Use synonyms
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 allow
people
Use synonyms
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great
convinience
Correct your spelling
convenience
 and confortability in meeting
people
Use synonyms
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
also
Linking Words
 raise concerns for parents regarding their child's personal development. It is dire to understand the
improtance
Correct your spelling
importance
 of meeting
people
Use synonyms
in-person
Correct your spelling
in person
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
, achieving
this
Linking Words
 might require extra efforts from parents
encouraging
Change the verb form
to encourage
show examples
youth
Use synonyms
 to take part in in-person
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 more.

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language
Pay close attention to spelling errors such as 'convinience', 'comfortability', or 'improtance'. Correctly spelled words enhance the clarity and readability of your essay.
content
Your essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure your ideas are consistently expanded and adequately supported with specific examples and details. Strengthening the elaboration of your main points will lead to a more comprehensive essay.
coherence
Work on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Using a wider range of cohesive devices such as 'therefore', 'as a result', 'on the contrary', etc., can help in enhancing the cohesion and making your essay more compelling.
structure
The introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main aspects of the essay, providing a solid foundation for your argument.
content
You have addressed both parts of the prompt effectively by discussing both why teenagers prefer socializing online and suggesting measures to encourage real-life interaction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital platforms
  • primary means
  • social interaction
  • messaging apps
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • geographic barriers
  • perceived safety
  • control
  • online environments
  • global events
  • COVID-19 pandemic
  • accelerating
  • foster
  • community events
  • educational institutions
  • collaboration
  • guardians
  • pivotal role
  • participation
  • awareness
  • psychological benefits
  • physical benefits
  • in-person interactions
  • public campaigns
What to do next:
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