IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries with long average working hours are more economically successful than their countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree?

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Working extra
hours
Use synonyms
 than the average is deemed by some people to be the reason why some countries
is
Verb problem
are more
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 economically prosperous than the countries with shorter working
hours
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, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view,
this
Linking Words
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 to be successful in any field quality is more important than longer working
hours
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, not every country thrives economically because of the
citizens
Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'
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 long working
hours
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, but rather because of the high quality of the
work
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. working daily for a long time doesn't guarantee higher and superior results than those who can produce better with fewer
hours
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, and
this
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 is because employees need to find the balance between
work
Use synonyms
 and personal life to maintain healthy body and mind in and that won't be possible with working longer
hours
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, for an instance, France is one of the most successful countries in the world they have a famous saying of
this
Linking Words
 matter " we
work
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 to live",
moreover
Linking Words
, they have less working
hours
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 and working
hours
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 usually start from 9 to 10 am.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the reduction of working
hours
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 helped to decrease unemployment, studies have shown that reducing working
hours
Use synonyms
 have a tremendous impact on decreasing unemployment,
this
Linking Words
 is because it opens up more job vacancies,
moreover
Linking Words
, without the advances of a shorter workweek, vacation time,
working
Add an article
the working
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 environment will be difficult for many, as
illustration
Add an article
an illustration
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, one working environment with fewer working
hours
Use synonyms
 can open the way for several employees
instead
Linking Words
 of hiring
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 people. In conclusion, I firmly believe that reducing
work
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 will
result
Add the preposition
result in
result from
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 better output
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it maintains
the
Correct article usage
apply
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employee health and in other
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 it opens more job vacancies

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grammar
There are some minor grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. Be careful with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "some countries is" should be "some countries are"). Also, be consistent with capitalization (e.g., "working daily" should be "Working daily").
sentence structuring
Certain sentences are a bit lengthy and could be broken down for better readability. For example, "working daily for a long time doesn't guarantee higher and superior results than those who can produce better with fewer hours, and this is because employees need to find the balance..." could be split into two sentences for clarity.
details
Adding more relevant statistics or specific examples can further strengthen your argument. While you mentioned France, discussing another country for comparison could provide better support for your points.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
examples
You provided specific examples, such as the working habits in France, which supports your argument.
clartiy
Your argument is clear and consistent, and you have stayed on topic throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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