Some countries with long average working hours are more economically successful than their countries which do not have a long working time. To what extent do you agree?
Working extra
hours
than the average is deemed by some people to be the reason why some countries is
economically prosperous than the countries with shorter working Verb problem
are more
hours
, I strongly disagree with this
view, this
because
to be successful in any field quality is more important than longer working Add a missing verb
is because
hours
.
To begin
with, not every country thrives economically because of the citizens
long working Change noun form
citizen's
citizens'
hours
, but rather because of the high quality of the work
. working daily for a long time doesn't guarantee higher and superior results than those who can produce better with fewer hours
, and this
is because employees need to find the balance between work
and personal life to maintain healthy body and mind in and that won't be possible with working longer hours
, for an instance, France is one of the most successful countries in the world they have a famous saying of this
matter " we work
to live", moreover
, they have less working hours
and working hours
usually start from 9 to 10 am.
Furthermore
, the reduction of working hours
helped to decrease unemployment, studies have shown that reducing working hours
have a tremendous impact on decreasing unemployment, this
is because it opens up more job vacancies, moreover
, without the advances of a shorter workweek, vacation time, working
environment will be difficult for many, as Add an article
the working
illustration
, one working environment with fewer working Add an article
an illustration
hours
can open the way for several employees instead
of hiring less
people.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that reducing Change the quantifier
fewer
work
hours
will result
better outputAdd the preposition
result in
result from
,
because it maintains Remove the comma
apply
the
employee health and in other Correct article usage
apply
cases
it opens more job vacanciesAdd a comma
cases,
Submitted by Ayreen🍒
on
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grammar
There are some minor grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. Be careful with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "some countries is" should be "some countries are"). Also, be consistent with capitalization (e.g., "working daily" should be "Working daily").
sentence structuring
Certain sentences are a bit lengthy and could be broken down for better readability. For example, "working daily for a long time doesn't guarantee higher and superior results than those who can produce better with fewer hours, and this is because employees need to find the balance..." could be split into two sentences for clarity.
details
Adding more relevant statistics or specific examples can further strengthen your argument. While you mentioned France, discussing another country for comparison could provide better support for your points.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your argument easily.
examples
You provided specific examples, such as the working habits in France, which supports your argument.
clartiy
Your argument is clear and consistent, and you have stayed on topic throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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