IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#criminals #re-offend #people #crimes #measures
It has been seen that most of the crimes occurring around are being done by repeat
offenders
. The main reason behind
this
 is that prisons are not seen as rehabilitation
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 but just for mere incarceration.
Also
, the second factor would be that they get to connect with fellow criminal minds or
in other words
, get badly influenced by
offenders
. To tackle
this
, a reformation
system
 should be utilized to rehabilitate these people. The following paragraphs will discuss it in detail. Our justice
system
 only cares about "an eye for an eye" and
this
 is the reason that they only want to punish the criminal rather than study why is it so that they chose to do the malafide act and didn't think of
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
.
Due to
this
, the
offenders
 don't think that their act was wrong and believe that they are justified and develop vengeance
instead
 of developing their mental health. The connection they make during their incarceration
also
 negatively affects them as they get influenced by
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 people and want to gain their respect by doing some
further
 terrible act.
Furthermore
, another important factor contributing to
this
 would be that prison makes them poor. To elaborate
this
,
while
 being in jail for all these years their financial status gets adversely affected and when they get out they are not able to secure a job or get themselves a financially stable life. To rectify
this
, the Government should take initiatives like providing jobs to criminals
while
 they are in jail so that they can earn wages and get a secure life after getting out in the future.
Also
, education or
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
 is a big factor that could heal the minds of the
offenders
 as it would make them know of the consequences and make them believe that the punishment is justified as they committed a crime.
To conclude
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, There is a need to transform the justice
system
 by making the prison
system
 a reformation
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 for prisoners to think of what mistakes they made that let them in a cell and how to make changes in their lives
accordingly
 to not walk the same path again.
Submitted by mannadarshpal13 on

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task achievement
The essay should provide more specific examples to illustrate the points being made. Practical, real-world examples can make the arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
Work on strengthening the logical structure of the essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows naturally to the next and that there's a clear progression of ideas. Using more transitions between sentences and paragraphs will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Consider refining the clarity of your ideas. Breaking down complex sentences and avoiding repetitive points will make the essay more concise and easier to understand.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and relevant response to the task, addressing both reasons for re-offending and measures to tackle the problem.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, offering a framework that helps in understanding the entire essay.
task achievement
The ideas are generally comprehensive and there is an attempt to support main points with reasonable evidence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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