IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#children #difference #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort #parents #teachers #behaviour
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The advantage of knowing what is the
right
Use synonyms
 thing and the bad thing at
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age is good for your
kids
Use synonyms
. Because
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 will know what is the best and not the best to what to do to everyone. Why
Use synonyms
kids
Add a missing verb
do kids
show examples
 have to teach from
early
Add an article
an early
show examples
 age between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
right
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wrong
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 Because
they
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 would be easier to make
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
 that
its
Correct your spelling
it's
show examples
right
Use synonyms
 or wrong in the future time. When they what is
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong they
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 help
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 what is the
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 between
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong. About
punishment
Add a comma
punishment,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 still agree but don'
t
Use synonyms
 make the punishment
to
Replace the word
too
show examples
 harsh for them because they are still
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 and still need much to learn about what is
right
Use synonyms
 and wrong. But every family have
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
owned
Change the form of the verb
own
show examples
 way to punish
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
.
Example
Change preposition
For example
show examples
 when
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 do something wrong or say a bad word
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 punishment would be
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 cannot play
Change preposition
on there
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for 1 day, they cannot play with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
 for 1
days
Change to a singular noun
day
show examples
, and didn'
t
Use synonyms
 get
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 favorite treats or food for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1 day. But
theres
Correct your spelling
there's
there
also
Linking Words
 the
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
wouldn'
Correct your spelling
won't
t
Use synonyms
 punish them but they teach
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 what is
right
Use synonyms
 or wrong and
example
Change preposition
for example
show examples
 what must do
whem
Correct your spelling
when
them
 making
mistake
Correct article usage
a mistake
show examples
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
some
Correct pronoun usage
someone
show examples
 else. For me don'
t
Use synonyms
 punish
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
kids
Use synonyms
 harshly because they could
get
Verb problem
cause
show examples
mental
Add an article
a mental
show examples
 breakdown or even trauma to
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
.
Event
Correct your spelling
Even
show examples
 worse they won'
t
Use synonyms
 talk to
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 parents or even hate
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 or scare
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 because they will think
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
Use synonyms
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 will hurt them.
Submitted by kelly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction to outline your stance on the issue. This will help guide your essay and make your argument more focused.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by relevant examples or explanations. This aids in the coherence and flow of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide more cohesive links and transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in making your writing more logically structured.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and explanations to provide more substantial support for your main points. This will make your argument more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both parts of the task, discussing the importance of distinguishing right from wrong at an early age and considering the type of punishment that should be used.
task achievement
There is a reasonable attempt at providing examples of punishments that are not too harsh, demonstrating some understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • punishment
  • positive reinforcement
  • consequences
  • time-outs
  • removal of privileges
  • open communication
  • clear expectations
  • consistency
  • fairness
  • disciplinary action
  • proportionate
  • moral values
  • internalization
What to do next:
Look at other essays: