IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism than in the past.  Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?  Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.  Write at least 250 wor

#people #travel #countries #tourism #development #wor
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days,
people
Use synonyms
are inquire
Change the verb form
are inquiring
show examples
 about
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, some
people
Use synonyms
 say
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
easier
Add a missing verb
is easier
show examples
 than
what
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 was in the past, developing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travel
Use synonyms
 for tourism has a lot of pros and cons. Personally, I believe that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 for any reason has many different
advantages
Use synonyms
, at the same time there are plenty of negatives, in
this
Linking Words
 essay I will discuss both
advantages
Use synonyms
 and disadvantages of
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 on Holiday.
Firstly
Linking Words
, one of the biggest
advantages
Use synonyms
 of
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
travel
Use synonyms
 is that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 nowadays is easier
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past now we can
travel
Use synonyms
 to any
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
 by
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plane .
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in my country had been
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by
walked
Wrong verb form
walking
show examples
 when they had not had a car or plane.
This
Linking Words
 means, these days we can
travel
Use synonyms
 to any city by plane it is more comfortable and faster.
Secondly
Linking Words
, another
pros
Replace the adjective
pro
show examples
 is that developing
travel
Use synonyms
 can we know about
people
Use synonyms
 who have different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, if you want to visit any country you do not need to
travel
Use synonyms
 for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many different negatives one of them is that developing it may cause damage to the climate which leads to environmental damage. To illustrate, The presence of numerous aircraft negatively impacts the environment. In conclusion, I believe that developing
outweigh have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of
advantages
Use synonyms
 it can help
people
Use synonyms
 to learn about different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 or help
people
Use synonyms
 who
travel
Use synonyms
 to study in different countries,
in addition
Linking Words
,
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who can not find a job in their country it can
travel
Use synonyms
 to different countries to looking for a job.
Submitted by yosf1010 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your main points. The current introduction is somewhat disorganized and lacking in focus. Consider revising it to make it clearer and more concise.
support examples
Support your points with specific, detailed examples. For instance, when mentioning environmental damage, elaborate on how flying contributes to this issue.
structure
Organize your essay in a more logical manner. Try using paragraphs to separate different points or reasons, and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. This will improve the overall coherence and cohesion.
grammar
Some sentences contain grammar errors and awkward phrasing. Proofread your essay for issues related to verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and clarity.
content
You have identified both the advantages and disadvantages of modern travel, which gives a balanced perspective.
relevance
Your essay presents relevant points about cultural exposure and environmental impact.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: