The bar chart showed the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments (violin, guitar, piano, drums) in 3 years 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart showed the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments (violin, guitar, piano, drums) in 3 years 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
This
bar graph illustrates the percentage of four different types of instruments which students learned at the school in 2005,2010 and 2015, First of all,
it is clear that
the percentage of students who learned how to play the
drums
recorded the lowest in 2005. The figure was around 5%.
However
, the figures for
piano
,
guitar
and
violin
showed almost the same percentages around 10% in 2005. In 2010, despite
piano
and
guitar
increased
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
by 20% and 18%,
drums
remained similar rate in 2005 and
violin
slightly dropped to 8%.
However
, there were significant changes in 2015. Figures for
piano
and
guitar
skyrocketed and these were recorded at 38% and 40%, respectively.
Also
,
this
year, the
guitar
overtook the percentage of the
piano
.
Although
piano
and
guitar
showed remarkable changes in 2015,
drums
went up slightly to 9% and
violin
showed the lowest number in 2015. The figure was 4%.
To sum up
, there is no doubt that students were more interested in
piano
and
guitar
to learn and
drums
and
violin
figures did not change much.
Submitted by jin960524 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
Vocabulary: Replace the words drums, piano, guitar, violin with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.

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