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Band 8

Climate change is the biggest threat to life on our planet. How accurate is this statement? Is there any other big threat to mankind?

#climate #change #threat #life #planet #mankind
Recently, climate change has been intimidating people’s lives.
This
 statement is true when you see the reports on how many people were killed in deadly typhoons, hurricanes, tornadoes, and water shortages on TV news programs and newspapers.
In addition
, destruction of the ozone layer
due to
 air pollution
further
 produces another life-threatening change for humanity: ultraviolet light and radioactive light. So far, especially in the
last
 20 decades, many people have been killed by deadly typhoons, hurricanes, and tornadoes, which should not have happened before.
That is
 to say, the global warming owing to fewer forests and more carbon hydrates has expanded the area of tropical or subtropical weather worldwide, which has led to unpredictable storms causing thousands of deaths around the world.
For example
, in Japan, the Kanto areas where the capital Tokyo does not have much rain in the past, even when the western part of Japan is in the rainy season.
However
, Tokyo has recently experienced a lot of rain as the other areas do, which caused severe flooding, and many people living along the rivers lost their lives,
while
 thousands had to evacuate from their homes, and local plants and animals’ dens were damaged. The same is happening around neighboring countries.
Therefore
, recent climate variation is a genuine threat to creatures, including humans, on
this
 planet.
Furthermore
, the thinning ozone layer is causing another life-threatening mutation for humanity: the radiation from the sun is becoming much stronger than ever before. They had been blocked by the ozone layer before, but as the oxygen levels in the air decreases every day, they now penetrate through the space and the air.
This
 causes more skin cancers and eyesight problems.
For instance
, in Oceania islands, where the famous “ozone hole” exists, there have been many more skin cancer cases, including deadly malignant melanomas, than in other countries. If
such
 tendency continues, radio-protective shields should be used in the future for just going out for a
while
. In conclusion, today’s global warming is threatening a variety of lives worldwide by drastically changing climates at the same time, will produce additional health problems for humanity
as a result
 of stronger sun rays.
Submitted by kana_ayaki on

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coherence cohesion
Consider reviewing and rearranging some sentences for better flow and clarity. For example, the transition between paragraphs can be smoother.
task achievement
Try to reduce redundancy by avoiding repetition of similar points about natural disasters and focus on adding more diverse examples.
task achievement
The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, with clear points and relevant examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-defined and sum up the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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