International aid, which is assumed as the indispensable part of government’s assistance, is said to not be allocated for foreign countries because of existing many idles and useless people. In this essay why I totally agree with the very perspective will be addressed.

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International
aid
, which is assumed as an indispensable part of the government’s assistance, is said to not be allocated to foreign
countries
because of the existence of many
idles
Wrong verb form
idled
show examples
and useless
people
. In
this
essay why I totally agree with the very perspective will be addressed.
Firstly
, financial support from the government is accounted as the most considerable activity in one society. To illustrate, there are myriad disabled and poor individuals in every country and authorities are responsible for them and they have to allocate huge budgets to help them possess high quality life. If
countries
dedicate
money
and some resources to disadvantaged
people
who live overseas, domestic individuals are deprived of abundant resources of financial
aid
in their own
countries
.
As a result
,
countries
should pay attention to their own
people
, and if the sources of
money
remain, they can dedicate them to other overseas
people
.
Secondly
, facilities in every society are considered as the most important objects to make the folks’ lives easier and better. To clarify,
for example
,
countries
achieve lots of
money
from selling and exporting oil to other
countries
and they obtain abundant profits for the country. If the governments spend
this
money
on financial
aid
, they will waste
this
amount of
money
. They not only can construct hospitals, schools, parks, and other essential facilities, but
also
make lives easier for their own
people
because indoor individuals are more important than idles and homeless
people
in other
countries
.
Finally
,
although
helping others is assumed as the best activity globally, native
people
should be prioritized in order to financial
aid
. In conclusion, thanks to the importance of domestic
people
rather than international folks and
dedicated
Correct article usage
the dedicated
show examples
budget to provide facilities for
people
is superior.
Submitted by Golden Goals on

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coherence cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to improve coherence and ensure each paragraph has one main idea.
task achievement
Expand on the conclusion to summarize your main arguments more effectively.
suitable writing tone
Avoid using harsh terms such as 'useless' or 'idles' as they can be perceived negatively. Opt for more neutral language.
task achievement
You have provided clear reasons and examples that support your agreement with the perspective.
suitable writing tone
Your essay maintains a suitable academic tone throughout.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument.

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  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

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For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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