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Band 5.5

Full-time university students need to spend most of their time studying. Some people, however, claim that students needed to be involved in other activities as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#university #students #time #people #activities
In universities, students
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
 a lot of
time
 heeding to their studies, and the importance of education has never been in doubt. But, some people argue that students should
also
 focus on extracurricular
activities
 during their college days. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I agree with the former perspective.
Firstly
, the purpose of attending
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
show examples
 is to enhance and polish one’s knowledge.
Hence
, students spend a significant amount of
time
 and effort in preparing for lectures, examinations and subsequent academic
activities
, which pertain to the bookish nature of the subject. Focusing on exams, if you score high and do well, you have a higher chance of getting a good job.
Hence
, spending
time
 studying is a way to learn skills pertaining to one’s field of study.
Secondly
, to spend
time
 seeking knowledge
also
 aids a person’s thinking and thought processes.
For instance
, mathematics is often beneficial to incite a deeper state of thinking in specific individuals, just like psychology facilitates introspection. It is a notable step towards self-actualisation, something that almost every human being tries to fulfil.
However
, extracurricular
activities
 are
also
 deemed an excellent way to acquire skills resulting in success in life.
For instance
, sports is a great way to imbibe discipline and a healthy lifestyle.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, concentrating more on studies in the university is indeed essential because one carries through their purpose of attaining knowledge.
To sum up
, it is crucial to acknowledge the importance of extracurricular
activities
 in one’s life.
However
, during the college and university years, a student must devote a significant amount of
time
 towards his studies.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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task achievement
Try to further develop your main points with detailed examples. For instance, when discussing the benefits of focusing on studies, you can include specific skills or knowledge areas that enhance employability.
coherence cohesion
Ensure there's a clear connection between your supporting arguments and the thesis statement. This helps in maintaining a strong, coherent structure throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames the discussion.
task achievement
You provide a complete response to the task, addressing both perspectives of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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