The graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020

The graph below gives information on the number of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020
The graph shows how many participants
who were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
joined different types of social activity hubs in Melbourne, Australia in the 2000 and 2020 timeframe.
Overall
, All
activeties
Correct your spelling
active
participants numbers increased over the period,
While
one of them
show
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
the opposite trend.
Also
, film activity remained dominant
while
raking of other
Correct your spelling
activities
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
changed over the period The film activity audience was more than 65 in 2000 and it reached it is
peak
Add an article
a peak
the peak
show examples
in 2020(with nearly 70)Even though experienced
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
drop in mid-time.
Also
, martial arts underwent almost the same trend as film Hub but started with a lower amount around 37, and hit the record in 2010 (with around 40) The ping pong participants increased more than 3 times it started with 18 and slightly increased till 2010(with 20),
after
this
dramatically grew and reached its' peak (with 55).
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
Musical performances and amateur dramatics show vice versa trends. Musical performances began in 2005 and boomed till 2010 (with 10) and continued with a stable trend
hit
Wrong verb form
hitting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
15(in 2020).
While
Amateur dramatics
Change preposition
in
show examples
the first five
year
Change to a plural noun
years
show examples
slightly increased almost
reach
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
30 (in 2005)
after
this
experienced
Correct article usage
a
show examples
flat dropping and reached 5 (in 2020)
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "after this, also, while".
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: