Scientist agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damanging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by education people while others believe that this education will not work. Discuss buth view and give your opinion.
It is often argued that a number of people prefer to eat sugary
product
too much, more over a host of Fix the agreement mistake
products
corperation
produced Correct your spelling
cooperation
corporation
food
and drink products with numerous sugars. I would like to talk about the way
of preventing consumer’s eating habit
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
habits
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
with
Change preposition
at
pricey
cost.
Correct article usage
a pricey
To begin
with, childrens
are often exposed to Correct your spelling
children
sweety
Correct your spelling
sweet
dessert
Fix the agreement mistake
desserts
such
as candy and chocolate wiith
numerous sugars.
Correct your spelling
with
For example
, childrens
can’t Correct your spelling
children
distunguish
sugary from non-sugary Correct your spelling
distinguish
food
when they buy Add an article
the product
a product
product
in Fix the agreement mistake
products
supermarket
. So clear distinction of price is Add an article
the supermarket
a supermarket
best
Change the article
the best
way
to prevent buy product
from younger children. Fix the agreement mistake
products
Moreover
parents regard buying sugary Add a comma
Moreover,
product
with Fix the agreement mistake
products
highly
cost as a rip-off before making a payment.
Precaution with expensive Replace the word
high
lead
to healthy Fix the agreement mistake
leads
food
habit
and Fix the agreement mistake
habits
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
their
health Correct pronoun usage
apply
dieases
.
Correct your spelling
diseases
However
, our ultimate goal is can’t
reach just upper cost with products. Verb problem
not to
This
way
only aim
Correct subject-verb agreement
aims
to
Change preposition
at to
comsumer’s
view, Correct your spelling
consumer’s
consumers
therefore
we should make a solution both commercial and consumer. By relesing
new Correct your spelling
releasing
product
with zero-sugar Fix the agreement mistake
products
such
as zero sugar-coke, zero sugar-snacks which are increase corperations
to sale result, Correct your spelling
corporations
moreover
brings consumers to a sense of contentment with deliciousfood
. Correct your spelling
delicious food
Forexample
Correct your spelling
For example
Coca-Colar
launched zero-coke Correct your spelling
Coca-Cola
last
few years, then
a number of people prefer to drink zero-coke rather than sugary products. As a
result
consumers are provided health and contentment when Add a comma
result,
you
eat Correct pronoun usage
they
food
.
In conclusion, make
Wrong verb form
making
a healthy
Remove the article
healthy food
a portion of healthy food
food
with
Change preposition
at
same
price is the best Change the article
the same
way
to solve this
problem In the long-term
.Correct your spelling
long term
Submitted by dksrlgus1017 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views, but could benefit from a clearer structure and more detailed arguments to better support your points.
coherence cohesion
Work on making the progression of your ideas smoother. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main point and transitions effectively to the next.
coherence cohesion
Improve your grammar and spelling to enhance readability. For example, correct 'corperation' to 'corporation' and 'candies' to 'candies'.
task achievement
Your use of examples, like the introduction of zero-sugar products by Coca-Cola, is effective and relevant.
coherence cohesion
The essay has both an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a complete structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!