What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #grandparents #generation #lack #exercise #computer #games #sites #tv #time

It is often argued that lack of physical

activites

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activity

activities

for today’s

generration

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generation

due to

rapid

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the rapid

show examples

development of technology. Working out

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apply

show examples

outdoor

Replace the word

outdoors

show examples

and physical activities are common

plactice

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practices

those day

Change the determiner

that day

those days

show examples

however

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however,

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most

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apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

people

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

their

time

on virtual systems. I believe that

oline

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online

activities exert

negative

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a negative

show examples

influnceon

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influence on

influence

younger

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the younger

show examples

generation’s development.

It is clear that

online

platform

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platforms

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and

contents

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content

show examples

are

main

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the main

a main

show examples

part of today’s

generation

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generation's

show examples

lives. They are more interested in virtual

system

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systems

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than physical

one’s

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ones

show examples

Moreover

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Moreover,

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they devote a significant

time

and energy to playing online games and

wathing

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watching

short forms.

This behaviors

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This behavior

These behaviors

show examples

are regarded as a bonding experience and

sociallizing

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socialising

with their

freinds

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friends

However

, Younger generations are exposed to vibrant and obscene

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content

show examples

contents

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content

show examples

through games,

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movies

show examples

movie

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movies

show examples

and

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show examples

especially

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apply

show examples

through

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apply

show examples

social media platforms. exposing numerous harmful contents

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exerts

show examples

exert

Correct subject-verb agreement

exerts

show examples

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

influence on children’s

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mental

show examples

metal

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mental

show examples

development.

Furthermore

, Sitting on the chair for a huge amount

time

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of time

show examples

, making it waist

deseases

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decreases

and

decrease

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decreases

show examples

their concentration

abillities

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abilities

As a result

Correct article usage

the

show examples

wide use of online services

effect

Correct your spelling

affects

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

both body and mind in

negative

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a negative

show examples

way.

Moreover

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Moreover,

show examples

younger generations are more often preoccupied with academic and social pressures, but the best solution to prevent

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apply

show examples

them from stress is physical activities

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apply

show examples

outdoor

Replace the word

outdoors

show examples

. playing sports with your friends,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can help blow off some steam and

mantain

Correct your spelling

maintain

your health. In conclusion, online media have greatly changed our way of life ever since they were introduced. Spending a significant of

time

with online platforms can

cause

Verb problem

have

show examples

adverse

Correct article usage

an adverse

show examples

influence on

developmental

Add an article

the developmental

show examples

stage of

child

Add an article

the child

a child

show examples

Submitted by dksrlgus1017 on Tue Jun 18 2024

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task achievement

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coherence cohesion

Improve the transitions between paragraphs and within the paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay.

task achievement

Expand on the introduction to clearly outline the main arguments that will be presented in the body paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Enhance the conclusion by summing up the main points discussed in the essay, reiterating your stance, and providing a final thought or recommendation.

coherence cohesion

Check for frequent spelling and grammatical errors. Proofreading carefully can improve clarity and make your essay more professional.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, agreeing that a lack of physical exercise is prevalent among today's youth due to increased screen time.

task achievement

The essay recognizes the importance of physical activities in addressing academic and social pressures, which is a relevant point to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
56Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

251 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, the amount o f crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes o f crime? How can we deal with those causes?

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Robots and artificial intelligent are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on social?

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