What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often argued that lack of physical
activites
for today’s Correct your spelling
activity
activities
generration
Correct your spelling
generation
due to
Linking Words
rapid
development of technology. Working out Add an article
the rapid
at
Change preposition
apply
outdoor
and physical activities are common Replace the word
outdoors
plactice
in Correct your spelling
practices
those day
, Change the determiner
that day
those days
Linking Words
however
most Add a comma
however,
of
Change preposition
apply
the
people Correct article usage
apply
spent
their Wrong verb form
spend
time
on virtual systems. I believe that Use synonyms
oline
activities exert Correct your spelling
online
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
influnceon
Correct your spelling
influence on
influence
younger
generation’s development.
Correct article usage
the younger
It is clear that
online Linking Words
platform
and Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
contents
are Fix the agreement mistake
content
main
part of today’s Add an article
the main
a main
generation
lives. They are more interested in virtual Change noun form
generation's
system
than physical Fix the agreement mistake
systems
one’s
. Change noun form
ones
Linking Words
Moreover
they devote a significant Add a comma
Moreover,
time
and energy to playing online games and Use synonyms
wathing
short forms. Correct your spelling
watching
Linking Words
This behaviors
are regarded as a bonding experience and Change the determiner
This behavior
These behaviors
sociallizing
with their Correct your spelling
socialising
freinds
.
Correct your spelling
friends
However
, Younger generations are exposed to vibrant and obscene Linking Words
Fix the agreement mistake
content
contents
through games, Fix the agreement mistake
content
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
movie
and Fix the agreement mistake
movies
a
especially Change the article
an
Change preposition
apply
through
social media platforms. exposing numerous harmful contents Change preposition
apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
exerts
exert
Correct subject-verb agreement
exerts
negative
influence on children’s Add an article
a negative
Correct your spelling
mental
metal
development. Correct your spelling
mental
Furthermore
, Sitting on the chair for a huge amount Linking Words
Use synonyms
time
, making it waist Change preposition
of time
deseases
and Correct your spelling
decreases
decrease
their concentration Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
abillities
. Correct your spelling
abilities
As a result
Linking Words
a
wide use of online services Correct article usage
the
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
in
both body and mind in Change preposition
apply
negative
way. Change the article
a negative
Linking Words
Moreover
younger generations are more often preoccupied with academic and social pressures, but the best solution to prevent Add a comma
Moreover,
to
them from stress is physical activities Change preposition
apply
at
Change preposition
apply
outdoor
. playing sports with your friends, Replace the word
outdoors
it
can help blow off some steam and Correct pronoun usage
apply
mantain
your health.
In conclusion, online media have greatly changed our way of life ever since they were introduced. Spending a significant of Correct your spelling
maintain
time
with online platforms can Use synonyms
cause
Verb problem
have
adverse
influence on Correct article usage
an adverse
developmental
stage of Add an article
the developmental
child
.Add an article
the child
a child
Submitted by dksrlgus1017 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to improve the discussion and explanation of ideas. Provide more detailed reasons and examples to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs and within the paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Expand on the introduction to clearly outline the main arguments that will be presented in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the conclusion by summing up the main points discussed in the essay, reiterating your stance, and providing a final thought or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
Check for frequent spelling and grammatical errors. Proofreading carefully can improve clarity and make your essay more professional.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, agreeing that a lack of physical exercise is prevalent among today's youth due to increased screen time.
task achievement
The essay recognizes the importance of physical activities in addressing academic and social pressures, which is a relevant point to the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example