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Band 3.5

The process below shows the life cycle of a species of large fish called the salmon

#process #life #cycle #species #fish #salmon
The diagram describes how
salmon
 grow from
eggs
 to mature individuals.
Overall
, there are three main stages in the
life
cycle
 of
salmon
 starting with
salmon
eggs
 in the upper river and the complete
cycle
 lasts for about 10 years.
Firstly
,
salmon
 begins
life
 as
eggs
 in the slow-moving upper reaches of a river, surrounded by reeds and pebbles.
This
 shelter usually keeps the
eggs
 safe for about five to six months before they hatch. The newborn fish normally called "fry"
are
Change the verb form
is
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 very small,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 are only three to eight
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
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 long. The fry
then
 follows the fast flow to the lower river and
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
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 there for 4 years until they reach
the
Correct article usage
a
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 length of twelve to fifteen
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
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. These grown fish are known as "smolt" At the next stage of the
life
cycle
, the 'smolt'
migrate
Correct subject-verb agreement
migrates
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 to the open sea. After approximately 5 years living in the ocean,
these 'smolt
Change the determiner
this ' smolt
these ' smolts
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' will have grown to adult size, which is about 70-76
centimeters
Change the spelling
centimetres
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. Their reproductive stage
then
 begins as the mature
salmon
 swims back to their birthplace and lays
eggs
. The
salmon
's
life
cycle
 starts again at the same place where it begins.
Submitted by nhuquynhbn2004 on

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introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly identifies the topic, however, it could benefit from more detail to create a stronger context for the reader. Consider elaborating slightly on the significance of the salmon lifecycle.
logical structure
While the main points are presented in a mostly logical order, some transitions between stages can be made smoother. Ensure that every stage flows naturally to the next with clear transitional phrases.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay could benefit from specifying the location of 'lower river' and 'open sea' with a bit more detail to enhance clarity. Although it's inferred, making it explicit can avoid any possible confusion.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the task, covering all stages of the salmon's life cycle in adequate detail.
supported main points
Main points are well supported and clearly explained, such as the transitions from fry to smolt and then to adult.
relevant specific examples
Clear and relevant examples are used effectively, especially in describing the growth stages and sizes of the salmon.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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