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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some peope say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#peope #people #advertisements #sources #information #products
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In the modern era, the notion of advertisement is widespread. Many claim that advertising promotes
unnecessarily
Change the word
unnecessary
show examples
 buying whilst others consider
advertisements
 as useful sources of new information. I personally feel that advertising is a way to give
people
 information about current merchandise. On the one hand, there are two major reasons why many
people
 cogitate advertisement induces them to spend excessive
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money on unneeded goods.
Firstly
, the most prevalent thing that can be seen in
advertisements
 is the products' exaggeration. It aims to lure
people
 to buy the merchandise instantaneously but way too far so that viewers can realise the trick without difficulty.
Secondly
, the
advertisements
 make consumers feel inadequate about themselves over and over again.
This
 happens when
people
, particularly the young, watch images of successful
people
 wearing luxurious
wrist-watch
Correct your spelling
wristwatches
show examples
. It creates the urge to spend huge amounts of money on accessories even though it is not vital
On the other hand
, I believe that I can gain information about new brands via advertisement to make sure I won't miss anything. Thanks to
this
 knowledge, I can determine what to buy at the appropriate price. In conclusion, I concede that
advertisements
 bring about useful details about new products yet be aware of the artifices to avoid overspending.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
Be sure to fully develop your ideas and provide more specific examples to support your points. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion firmly restates your main points and summarizes your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay is clearly structured, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You did a good job presenting both views before stating your personal opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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