IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government should spend money to encourage the development of sport and art for school students, rather than supporting professional sports and art performance for general public. Do you agree or disagree?

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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern-day society, authorities are supposed to give financial
support
Use synonyms
 for education, rather than
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that education is considered to be an integral part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it has a beneficial impact on our achievements in
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 and art. The primary advantage of spending money for students is connected with their ability to identify their preferences and
understanding
Wrong verb form
understand
show examples
 if it is fit them or not.
This
Linking Words
 new development in schools can have a beneficial impact on what they want to do in the
future
Use synonyms
. They can become
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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great sportsmen or artists and school will be popular thanks
for
Change preposition
to
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 their achievements.
According to
Linking Words
 some articles, some countries where
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
support
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 idea
became
Verb problem
apply
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are believed to be successful. Another benefit is related to the fact that those students can realise their potential in competitions.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 it has a positive effect on their
future
Use synonyms
 opportunities: participating in
such
Linking Words
 activities may lead to a good job choice, the fastest promotion or it will be easy to find a good job in the
future
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 a survey, approximately 80% of respondents claim that with the help of
this
Linking Words
 government
support
Use synonyms
 they overcome numerous challenges in life. In conclusion, currently, authorities are considered to be a helpful tool for students who play the most significant role in education.
This
Linking Words
 essay believes that
this
Linking Words
support
Use synonyms
 is associated with the greatest accomplishments that pupils can achieve
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that it is linked to their
future
Use synonyms
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 and opportunities.

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task achievement
To improve your essay, focus on offering more relevant and specific examples that directly support your arguments. This would strengthen your task response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and maintains a clear main idea. While your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, make sure the introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in maintaining a structured argument throughout.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides a balanced perspective on the topic, showing good understanding.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • physical health
  • creativity
  • teamwork skills
  • nurture young talents
  • excel
  • healthy lifestyle
  • cultural appreciation
  • extracurricular activities
  • socio-economic background
  • social inequality
  • profit-driven
  • allocated funds
What to do next:
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