Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
the
modern-day society, professional Correct article usage
apply
sportsman
get a big Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
salary
compare
with Wrong verb form
compared
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
people
who are related to another significant jobs
. Some individuals think that it has a positive impact, Replace the adjective
another significant job
other significant jobs
however
others believe that it has a negative one. This
essay believes that good sportsman
are supposed to earn more due to
the fact
that their life is in a
danger.
On the one hand, there are numerous Correct article usage
apply
people
who think that everyone has to get the
equal Correct article usage
an
salary
and it is unfair to someone receives
more. Good workers Correct pronoun usage
who receives
are consider
to have tremendous money Change the verb form
are considered
due to
the fact
that they have a higher position in a company. Also
, there are professions connected with IT
sphere where Correct article usage
the IT
people
can develop and earn more. According to
some survey
, Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
people
who work in such
companies complain that they get fewer than those who participate in a professional competitions
. Correct the article-noun agreement
professional competitions
a professional competition
This
essay argues that individuals who have a
good Correct article usage
apply
job
cannot have Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
salary
bigger than Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
sportsman
Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
due to
the fact
that they always
at Add a missing verb
are always
a
risk Remove the article
apply
to be
injured.
Change preposition
of being
However
, some people
are aware of the fact
that sportsman
work hard to achieve their goals that are related to the Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
fact
that they have a desire to win a competition and get a reward. In addition
, they have some challenges in their career that
is
connected with depression or some accidents. Change the verb form
are
That is
why people
consider their salary
to be higher. According to
some research, approximately 60% of respondents share that they satisfied
with their budget.
In conclusion, currently, there are a large number of Add a missing verb
are satisfied
people
who believe that sportsman
deserve to get a big Fix the agreement mistake
sportsmen
salary
due to
the fact
that they work hard and for our pleasure and fun.Submitted by sofina.elena2014 on
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task achievement
Expand on points for and against in more depth. Incorporate more examples where possible. This will improve your Task Achievement score.
task achievement
Engage more with your main points to cover ideas comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to make connections clear.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing the structure of the essay better. An introductory paragraph should clearly outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize the key points while clearly stating your own opinion.
task achievement
Good understanding of both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Clear effort to provide a balanced view. This is a strong point which adds to the essay's coherence.
task achievement
Use of specific examples.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?