Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think that is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

modern-day society, professional

Use synonyms

sportsman

Fix the agreement mistake

sportsmen

show examples

get a big

salary

Use synonyms

compare

Wrong verb form

compared

show examples

with

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who are related to

another significant jobs

Replace the adjective

another significant job

other significant jobs

show examples

. Some individuals think that it has a positive impact,

however

Linking Words

others believe that it has a negative one.

This

Linking Words

essay believes that good

sportsman

Use synonyms

are supposed to earn more

due to

Linking Words

the

fact

Use synonyms

that their life is in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

danger. On the one hand, there are numerous

people

Use synonyms

who think that everyone has to get

the

Correct article usage

show examples

equal

salary

Use synonyms

and it is unfair to someone

receives

Correct pronoun usage

who receives

show examples

more. Good workers

are consider

Change the verb form

are considered

show examples

to have tremendous money

due to

Linking Words

the

fact

Use synonyms

that they have a higher position in a company.

Also

Linking Words

, there are professions connected with

Correct article usage

the IT

show examples

sphere where

people

Use synonyms

can develop and earn more.

According to

Linking Words

some

survey

Fix the agreement mistake

surveys

show examples

people

Use synonyms

who work in

such

Linking Words

companies complain that they get fewer than those who participate in

a professional competitions

Correct the article-noun agreement

professional competitions

a professional competition

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay argues that individuals who have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

cannot have

Use synonyms

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

bigger than

Use synonyms

sportsman

Fix the agreement mistake

sportsmen

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the

fact

Use synonyms

that they

always

Add a missing verb

are always

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

risk

to be

Change preposition

of being

show examples

injured.

However

Linking Words

, some

people

Use synonyms

are aware of the

fact

Use synonyms

that

Use synonyms

sportsman

Fix the agreement mistake

sportsmen

show examples

work hard to achieve their goals that are related to the

fact

Use synonyms

that they have a desire to win a competition and get a reward.

In addition

Linking Words

, they have some challenges in their career

that

Linking Words

Change the verb form

are

show examples

connected with depression or some accidents.

That is

Linking Words

why

people

Use synonyms

consider their

salary

Use synonyms

to be higher.

According to

Linking Words

some research, approximately 60% of respondents share that they

satisfied

Add a missing verb

are satisfied

show examples

with their budget. In conclusion, currently, there are a large number of

people

Use synonyms

who believe that

Use synonyms

sportsman

Fix the agreement mistake

sportsmen

show examples

deserve to get a big

salary

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

the

fact

Use synonyms

that they work hard and for our pleasure and fun.

sofina.elena2014Tue Jun 18 2024

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task achievement

Expand on points for and against in more depth. Incorporate more examples where possible. This will improve your Task Achievement score.

task achievement

Engage more with your main points to cover ideas comprehensively.

coherence cohesion

Work on improving the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs. Use transitional phrases to make connections clear.

coherence cohesion

Focus on organizing the structure of the essay better. An introductory paragraph should clearly outline the main points that will be discussed, and the conclusion should summarize the key points while clearly stating your own opinion.

task achievement

Good understanding of both sides of the argument.

coherence cohesion

Clear effort to provide a balanced view. This is a strong point which adds to the essay's coherence.

task achievement

Use of specific examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

286 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial remuneration
exceptional
merit
talent
demand
entertainment value
career span
physical demands
justified
unfair
criticism
income inequality
societal priorities
sportsmanship

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